


Forevermore

by faiczn



Series: Timing and Everything in Between [3]
Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - After College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Homophobic Language, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Travelogue, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:22:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28954167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faiczn/pseuds/faiczn
Summary: Jaehyun had come a long way since their university days, had learned to compromise, even when he couldn’t get his way. Sicheng wondered in what other way did Jaehyun change for the last three years? Was he the only who felt like he was still stuck behind, repeating the same pattern of mistakes over and over again?--or Sicheng and Jaehyun met in Bangkok three years after the last night they spent together and they fell in love with each other all over again.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Series: Timing and Everything in Between [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2063289
Comments: 31
Kudos: 73





	1. Bangkok

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this one for so long (it hasn't been a month but I'm impatient) and I need some motivation to finish it, so here I am posting it when I'm still struggling through chapter 2.
> 
> It's Sicheng centered and I tried to build a whole life for him in Wenzhou (please do ignore it if I got anything wrong, because there was only so much I can research). Obviously, his life in his hometown is fictional and that included his family in this story. 
> 
> I haven't mentioned it, but both Sicheng and Jaehyun took Environmental Engineering as their major in university, so they both worked in the sustainable development sector. I don't know why I chose this profession for them, really, when I knew little of it, but I like the idea that both of them are environmentalists in their private life.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading. I hope you like this one :)

_August 2023_

Sicheng remembered his first school trip back in junior high school. It was the first time he went out of town without his family. He couldn’t sleep the night before because he was so excited to leave. He woke up late the next morning and almost got left behind as he arrived at school just when the bus was about to leave.

More than a decade later, the same thing happened.

Sicheng woke up half an hour before he had to leave for his flight to Bangkok. He was supposed to take the shuttle bus from the train station to the airport. He ended up taking a taxi and wasted too much money even before his trip officially started.

The panic he felt on the way to the airport was nothing like he had experienced before. His heart was beating so hard and his hand was shaking from nervousness. Honestly, he didn’t know what he would do if he missed the flight, because he already spent half his savings to fund the trip. Maybe he could use his credit card to buy a new ticket?

Sicheng dashed toward the boarding gate with all his might as soon as he arrived in the terminal. His name was called on the announcement system while he was running. Somehow, he made it. All breathless and wobbly after running so hard, but he made it.

The flight attendants greeted him with a sympathetic smile and showed him to his seat. Sicheng loaded his backpack into the overhead bin and collapsed on his seat. He didn’t get up until the airplane landed in Guangzhou for his connecting flight. Thankfully, the transit was way less hectic. He even had enough time to buy some snacks for his next flight.

An hour later, Sicheng already sat on his seat, looking out to the window as the plane finally left the country. He had his meal and passed out right after, exhausted after the entire ordeal.

The plane was hovering above the city of Bangkok when Sicheng woke up. It was an enchanting sight, for sure. All the lights illuminated the clear sky, making the city look even more beautiful. Sicheng watched the city get closer and closer before the plane finally landed on the airport.

The airport looked really cool, with all the gigantic structures supporting the long span of the roof. Sicheng took a picture of the structure as he walked toward the immigration counter. He connected his phone to the airport wi-fi while he queued. Immediately, texts from Ten came through.

**Ten Hyungie**

_Sicheng, did you arrive okay?_

_Me and John are waiting in the arrival area btw_

_Yeah_

_I just landed_

Sicheng got his turn at the immigration counter and the officer let him pass through a few minutes later with a warm smile. People of Bangkok, Sicheng would find out later, were all really helpful and friendly. Much like Ten himself.

Ten and Johnny waved at him with a matching wide grin, holding a piece of paper with ‘Our Baby Sicheng’ written on it. Sicheng rolled his eyes with fond. Leave it to Ten to embarrass him with enthusiastic affection.

“Hi, baby,” Ten greeted him as he pulled him into a hug. “I miss you so much!”

“Me too, hyung,” Sicheng grinned, patted his back. Then, Johnny opened his arms, asking for a hug too.

“Hi, Jo—Youngho hyung,” Sicheng stumbled upon Johnny’s many names. He had always called him Youngho, since that was the name he had used in Korea. But after watching Ten called him John or Johnny for the past three years, it felt natural to call the man by the same name.

“You can call me Johnny, Sicheng-ah,” Johnny chuckled as he circled his arms around him.

“Okay…” Sicheng nodded sheepishly.

“God, how long has it been?” Ten asked in Korean as they walked toward the parking building. “More than a year, right?”

Sicheng hadn’t spoken the language in a long time. If it was just Ten and him, Sicheng always preferred to talk in Mandarin, since it was his native tongue and Ten understood him most of the time—even though most of the times Ten answered with a mix of Korean or English words. Johnny could speak Mandarin, but not well enough to carry a long conversation, so the obvious choice of language between three of them was Korean. It has been a while, so Sicheng had to dig into his brain to turn on the switch for the language.

“About two years,” Sicheng said. “That’s when you came to China, right?”

“Yeah, a year after I graduated,” Johnny nodded. “It was the first trip outside of Korea on our channel.”

Ten and Johnny had started a travel channel on Youtube as soon as Johnny graduated, dubbed John and Ten. It was a weekend project at first, but as they gained more viewers, they quit their jobs and became a full time Youtuber.

Sicheng always loved watching their videos and not just because the two of them were his friends. Their videos were always informative and genuinely funny.

“Oh yeah, how can I forget!” Ten chuckled, before telling Sicheng, “You know, people are still asked about you until now.”

Sicheng had acted as their guide on the first few days of their trip in Beijing. After all, Sicheng used to live in the city when he was still attending Beijing Dance Academy. Sicheng asked Ten to try to leave him out of their videos, but he still appeared in the background a few times.

“Ten told our viewers you’re coming to Bangkok, by the way,” Johnny tattled on his boyfriend immediately.

“Hyung!” Sicheng frowned.

“Oh, come on! Just appear in one video,” Ten tutted in exaggerated exasperation. “It’ll only be two minutes tops.”

Sicheng snorted but kept his mouth shut about the topic. Ten didn’t press on, but Sicheng knew he was just biding his time. He would definitely bring it up later.

“So, where are we going?” Sicheng asked after Ten drove the car out of the parking building.

“A great restaurant. We just found it a month ago. It’s an absolute gem,” Ten answered with unbridled enthusiasm.

“Okay, I trust you,” Sicheng agreed easily.

“Hey, babe,” Johnny said in English. “You should tell Sicheng about that.”

“About what?” Sicheng asked immediately.

“Um…” Ten glance at him through the rear view mirror with a worried look in his eyes. “Jaehyun is in town.”

Sicheng was so shocked, he couldn’t find a word to say fast enough. Damn. Not only they hadn’t seen each other in more than three years, Sicheng hadn’t even heard or spoken his name in a long, long time. They still texted each other happy birthday up until last year though. Sicheng also texted Jaehyun to congratulate him on his graduation day, but that was the last time they talked. No words from Jaehyun on Sicheng’s birthday, so Sicheng didn’t text him on his following birthday either.

And Sicheng really had no problem with it. They both thought they couldn’t be friends after everything that happened anyway. It was best if Sicheng just moved on and he’d like to think he did. It had been three years after all. Sicheng had even dated two other guys since.

“He only hit me up this morning, telling me he’s in Bangkok for business and he’s extending his trip for the weekend. He didn’t even know me and John moved here. He was just asking where to go and to eat,” Ten hurriedly explained while Sicheng stayed silent. “So, I kinda invited him to the dinner…”

Ten laughed nervously. “Sorry, I should’ve asked you first, but I just feel bad if I don’t invite him…”

“It’s fine, hyung,” Sicheng assured him. “If Jaehyun’s fine with it, I don’t mind.”

“Oh, yeah, I told him you’d be here, and he said it’s okay…” Ten said.

“Any other surprise?” Sicheng asked jokingly.

“No, that’s it,” Ten grinned.

Sicheng looked out of the window, drinking in the unfamiliar cityscape. A Thai pop song was played on the radio. Sicheng thought he had heard Ten humming this song a couple of times while they were still roommates. Both Ten and Johnny sang along with the song. Ten knew every word, but Johnny just mumbled through the song.

“John is learning Thai,” Ten said.

“I’m still not very good,” Johnny chuckled. “I already forgot my Mandarin.”

“Because you won’t speak it with me,” Ten huffed.

“You only speak Mandarin with Sicheng,” Johnny snorted.

“Better than nothing, right?” Ten shrugged.

“Well, I haven’t spoken in Korean in a long time,” Sicheng murmured.

“A good time to relearn it, then,” Ten chuckled. “You certainly have a reason now, don’t you?”

Sicheng just sighed at Ten’s elaborate teasing and chose not to engage. Saying anything would just encourage Ten even more. He knew that from experience.

Ten drove the car out of the big road and onto the smaller street. After a few other turns, he finally parked the car in front of a non-descript house, hidden by bushes and a collection of beautiful tropical plants Sicheng had never seen before.

“Jaehyun’s already inside,” Johnny said. Ten hummed and gave Sicheng a meaningful look.

“Hyung,” Sicheng tugged on Ten’s shirt and cocked his head to the side. Johnny stopped and stared at them in question.

“Go on, we’ll catch up,” Ten told him. Johnny nodded and walked in without another word. Ten turned to look at Sicheng and gestured at him to start talking.

“Please don’t be weird in front of Jaehyun,” Sicheng pleaded. “No teasing, no suggestive joke, no nothing, okay?”

“Not even a little?” Ten pouted.

“No. Nothing is going to happen, okay? For all we know, he could’ve had a girlfriend all this time,” Sicheng snorted.

Ten smiled with an understanding and patted his shoulder. “Alright, I won’t say anything, okay? I promise.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Come on, then, you must be hungry,” Ten circled his arm around Sicheng’s shoulders and guided him inside. The restaurant was busy. All tables were taken by people their age, all dressed up rather stylishly. Sicheng felt severely underdressed, especially after spending 8 hours crumpled up on an economy seat of an airplane.

Johnny and Jaehyun sat facing each other, talking quietly with the menu opened in front of them. Jaehyun stood up as soon as he saw them, smiling widely as he pulled Ten into a hug. Sicheng hovered behind them, not knowing what to do. The possibility of Jaehyun hugging him was unlikely, so Sicheng was about to sit down when Jaehyun stepped into his space.

“Hi,” Sicheng hesitantly smiled.

“Hi, Sicheng-ah,” Jaehyun smiled back. God. His cheek was slimmer, and his hair was darker and longer, but he looked even more gorgeous than Sicheng remembered. 

He was wearing a black t-shirt, a pair of jeans, with a couple of hoops on his ears. Sicheng used to love seeing him in a simple outfit like this, mostly because Jaehyun always looked effortlessly good in it.

Again, Sicheng felt so inadequate compared to Jaehyun’s casual style. He really should’ve taken some time to freshen up in the airport.

Jaehyun didn’t seem to notice as his arms started to circle Sicheng’s body, so Sicheng let the hug happen and patted Jaehyun’s back tentatively. Ten and Johnny blatantly laughed at the awkward hug.

A blush crept in his cheeks, embarrassed by the proximity of Jaehyun’s body, always a little too warm, always smelled a little too good. Sicheng quickly let Jaehyun go and took the last seat, right beside him, ignoring the fact that the man’s ears were completely red after the hug.

“Should we order?” Ten asked. “Is there anything you want to try?”

Jaehyun silently gave the menu to Sicheng who only flicked through the pages absentmindedly. He was quite familiar with Thai food, thanks to Ten.

“Green curry,” Sicheng answered. That was his favorite. “And that chicken wrapped in a leaf.”

“Jaehyun?” Ten asked.

“What about the, um,” Jaehyun leaned closer to Sicheng to peek at the menu. “Crab curry?”

“It’s really spicy, though,” Ten said.

“I’ll order it, then,” Sicheng said right away, knowing Jaehyun couldn’t really handle spicy food well. “You can have green curry.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun shrugged.

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Sicheng,” Ten commented airily. Sicheng glared at him which he pointedly ignored as he talked to Johnny about his order.

“Alright,” Ten raised his hand to call the waiter and quickly ordered for all of them in rapid Thai.

“So, how are you?” Jaehyun asked in a low voice, just so Sicheng was the only one who could hear it.

“I’m good,” Sicheng replied.

“You’re here for a vacation?”

“Yeah, I’m staying here for four days, then I’ll continue to Cambodia and Vietnam,” Sicheng said.

“Alone?” Jaehyun asked, shocked.

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded, wondering why Jaehyun was even surprised. Sicheng always preferred to be alone. A solo trip had been on his plan for years, but only now he had the means to actually do it. “What about you?”

“I came here for a project,” Jaehyun said.

“Where are you working?” Sicheng asked. Jaehyun mentioned a leading multinational sustainability consultant that had piqued his interest even during his university days. “Of course, you work there now.”

Jaehyun gave him a smug smile and a shrug, “So yeah, I’m already here, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to spend the weekend here.”

“You only hit me up to ask about where to go in Bangkok,” Ten complained.

“I didn’t know you moved here, hyung,” Jaehyun defended himself.

“Yeah, because you never watch our channel or keep in touch, for that matter,” Johnny mused.

“These two are never good at keeping in touch,” Ten snorted. Jaehyun laughed at the guilt tripping.

“I’m a subscriber though,” Jaehyun said.

Their drinks arrived first and Sicheng immediately downed half of his thai iced tea. He was both parched and hungry—and pretty tired too after the flight.

The conversation just went by him, as Ten and Johnny pretty much interrogated Jaehyun on how he was doing. He got his current job right after graduation and he had thrown himself all in for a year. Only in recent months he had started thinking about dating, he admitted after a lot of coaxing from Ten.

“Taeil hyung introduced me to this guy…” Jaehyun murmured. “He’s a producer. He went to our university too.”

Sicheng expected a burn, to hear Jaehyun talked about seeing another guy. But nothing came up. No burn, no jealousy. Nothing. Admittedly, it still felt a little weird, but the whole situation was already awkward in the first place.

“What’s his name?” Johnny asked. “I probably know him if he’s Taeil’s friend.”

Jaehyun just shook his head slightly, definitely reluctant to spill the name. “I’ll tell you later,” Jaehyun answered simply.

“So, you guys are dating now?” Ten asked.

“No, we’re not there yet…” Jaehyun shook his head hurriedly. “We still try it out and see how it goes.”

Ten looked like he wanted to keep prodding, but Sicheng gave his leg a little nudge under the table to stop him. Nothing in his face showed he got the warning, but he stopped, nonetheless.

Their food finally came, and they busied themselves digging in. The curry Sicheng ordered was really good and really spicy. It was quite a burn on his empty stomach, but Sicheng loved every bite of it.

“What about you, Sicheng-ah?” Ten asked, with a devilish grin on his face. “Seeing any guy?”

Sicheng narrowed his eyes at him, because Ten knew the answer already. He just wanted Sicheng to talk about it in front of Jaehyun.

“No guy,” Sicheng replied curtly. Ten clicked his tongue in disapproval.

“You need to get some dick to get over him,” Ten said. Jaehyun stiffened beside him and Sicheng was annoyed that he still had the audacity to think it was about him.

“Not you, relax,” Ten waved his hand at Jaehyun dismissively.

“I dated a guy for a few months,” Sicheng told Jaehyun, mostly just to clear up the misunderstanding. “But we broke up already.”

“Right, sorry,” Jaehyun murmured sheepishly.

They talked about which part of the city Sicheng and Jaehyun should visit. Ten and Johnny didn’t plan to take him around, mostly because Sicheng told them he wanted to go around by himself.

“You two should go together,” Johnny suggested. “So you can split food and Grab fare.”

Sicheng and Jaehyun exchanged a glance, both made a noncommittal sound. It made sense, of course, but it didn’t mean the idea didn’t scare Sicheng a little bit. If it was going to be awkward and uncomfortable for two days, Sicheng would rather be alone, to be honest.

“We’ll see,” Jaehyun said to close the topic.

He wouldn’t bring it up again until they boarded a GrabCar together since Ten had recommended the same hostel for both of them and there was a probability, they would even stay in the same dorm room.

“Sorry about Ten, I don’t know why he did all this,” Sicheng felt the need to state that he had nothing to do with all these hijinks Ten had pulled just to make the two of them spend time together.

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun chuckled. At least, he found it hilarious, rather than troublesome.

“Also, if you don’t want to go around the city with me, I wouldn’t be offended, really,” Sicheng added.

“Or maybe it’s you who don’t want it?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows, smirking.

“It’s just… it’s going to be awkward, right? Even this is already awkward…” Sicheng gestured at the two of them.

“We were really good friends once,” Jaehyun shrugged.

“Dude, you’re the who said we can’t be friends anymore,” Sicheng scoffed.

“Oh, come on, that was three years ago!” Jaehyun groaned. Sicheng chuckles, satisfied after teasing Jaehyun. “We had time to move on, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sicheng nodded. He stole a glance at him, relieved that Jaehyun was being so laid-back about all this. His attitude eased the awkwardness between them and appeased Sicheng’s worries about them.

Sicheng finally sighed and told him, “Alright, let’s go together.”

“Alright,” Jaehyun nodded and smiled warmly.

They arrived at the hostel and just as they predicted, Sicheng was placed in the same room, at the bottom part of the bunk bed right next to Jaehyun’s.

Sicheng took a shower right away, relieved to rinse all the sweat and weariness off his body. When he got back to the room, Jaehyun was already wearing a t-shirt and shorts, busy with his phone.

Sicheng sat down at the edge of his bed, folding his dirty clothes before shoving them down inside his backpack. He dried his hair with a towel, feeling himself getting sleepy by the second.

“Hey, do you want to check out the rooftop bar and get some drinks?” Jaehyun asked after he finally put his phone down. Sicheng was exhausted, but a cold beer sounded so good in this humid weather.

“Okay,” Sicheng nodded.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” Jaehyun asked as they climbed the staircase.

“Um, 10? Too late?” Sicheng asked when Jaehyun grimaced.

“Yeah, let’s go out before it got too hot,” Jaehyun suggested. “The Grand Palace opened at 8.30, so maybe around that time?”

“Sure,” Sicheng nodded. The rooftop bar was just a lounge, with a small fridge filled with local beers and various flavored liqueur placed in the corner. A chill vibey song played from the speaker and most guests just quietly talking between themselves.

Jaehyun and Sicheng each took one bottle of beer and settled in one of many beanbags.

“So…”

“What?”

The corner of Jaehyun’s lips raised a little as he circled the rim of his beer bottle. Sicheng stared at him, still waiting for the question.

“How are you, like, for real…” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng let out an incredulous laugh. Jaehyun really asked that question now even though they had been together for hours.

“I think it’s too late for you to ask me that now…” Sicheng said.

“Do you still work in your dad’s company?” Jaehyun asked again.

“Of course,” Sicheng snorted. “I don’t think I can quit, even if I want to.”

“Do you want to quit?” Jaehyun raises his eyebrows.

“Probably,” Sicheng shrugged noncommittally.

“You don’t like working there?” Jaehyun asked again. Sicheng was reluctant to admit it to Jaehyun, more than anyone else because the job was part of the reason he rejected Jaehyun five years ago.

“No, I like the work…” Sicheng shook his head. “It’s fulfilling. I like helping people to get a more sustainable house or live in a sustainable apartment. Also, I live in the same building, so I actually get to reap the benefit as well.”

“Oh, you moved out already?” Jaehyun chimed.

“The perk of working for a property development company,” Sicheng grinned. “I got an employee discount for the rent.”

“Isn’t it because you’re the owner’s son?” Jaehyun snorted.

“Shut up,” Sicheng rolled his eyes while Jaehyun giggled.

“So, what’s the catch?” Jaehyun asked, snickering when Sicheng narrowed his eyes at him. “If the job’s so good, you wouldn’t want to quit.”

“The job isn’t the problem,” Sicheng said.

“What is it, then?” Jaehyun prodded lightly.

Sicheng suddenly recalled the first time they had a heart to heart talk on the rooftop of his dormitory building. When Jaehyun finally admitted that he was attracted to men. Sicheng lent him a listening ear, before telling him about his own experience on figuring out his sexuality. They had been quite close before that, but the conversation was what really cemented their friendship.

Jaehyun didn’t look like it, but he was a good listener. He never judged even if you did stupid shit and he can be objective when he gave advices. That was what tempted Sicheng to spill everything, but he didn’t want to burden Jaehyun with his own problem. He felt like he had no right to.

When Sicheng didn’t say anything, Jaehyun said, “You don’t have to talk about it, but if you want to, I’m here.”

“Okay…” Sicheng murmured. The offer was already nice enough. “Thank you.”

Jaehyun grinned and shrugged, as if it was nothing, before saying, “No problem.”

*

**Ten Hyungie**

_Don’t tell me you and Jaehyun are going to have crappy cereal for breakfast?_

_Get yourself a joke_

_A joke?_

_Rice congee_

_I’ll send you the link_

And that was how Sicheng and Jaehyun found themselves in a small stall by the sidewalk, served by the owner who only spoke Thai, surrounded by unsuspecting locals. The two of them stuck out like a sore thumb.

“At least it’s good,” Jaehyun said.

“Way better than cereal,” Sicheng agreed.

“So, where are we going today?” Jaehyun asked.

“The palace and the temples,” Sicheng answered tentatively before looking up the note on his phone. “Grand Palace, Wat Pho and Wat Arun.”

“Are we walking there?”

“We can walk to the palace and Wat Pho, but we’re taking a boat to Wat Arun.”

“Oh!” Jaehyun looked excited about the boat.

“We’ll probably do lunch between Wat Pho and Wat Arun,” Sicheng said. “Ten sent us a list of restaurants we could try.”

Jaehyun looked up each place Ten mentioned and chose a riverside restaurant, purely for the view. Sicheng agreed right away.

With a full stomach, Sicheng and Jaehyun walked to the Grand Palace. It was way grander and more beautiful than Sicheng thought it was. The craftsmanship on the building was honestly insane. True to their affinity for architecture, both Sicheng and Jaehyun spent a long time just inspecting and talking about the mosaic details in the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, before moving on to other parts of the palace.

After visiting every nook and cranny of the palace that was available to the public, they sat down in a little coffee shop they found on the way to their next destination just to cool down a little.

They both ordered iced coffee, not knowing the standard mix in Thailand was coffee with added condensed milk. Even though both of them wanted it black, they didn’t bother to complain and just took a sip anyway. It was a little sweet, but surprisingly decent coffee, especially considering the cheap price.

They walked to Wat Pho after that, bracing the perfectly sunny weather. This is Bangkok, though, so it meant scorching hot temperature, even when it was only ten in the morning

“Fuck, I should’ve brought a hat,” Jaehyun covered the top of his head with both hands, grimacing.

“You want to wear mine?” Sicheng offered the cap he was wearing.

“Thanks,” Jaehyun took it with a grin.

Wat Pho was smaller, and quieter compared to the palace. They stayed in the main hall for a while, giggling as they tried to capture their faces and the whole of the Reclining Buddha statue in a single selfie. Not one photo worked, but at least they all looked funny.

Then they went around the colorful stupas outside of the main hall. They took each other’s pictures and even a few selfies together, before finally leaving the temple complex to have lunch.

It was more a café, than a restaurant. They took the last empty table on the patio outside, happy to get the unobstructed view to the river and the passing ferries.

The waiter came by to take their order. They both shared a tom yum goong, while Sicheng ordered lemongrass tea for himself. Jaehyun quickly followed and ordered the same drink.

“That’s Wat Arun, I think,” Sicheng pointed at the huge white stupa across the river.

“Their temples are all so beautiful,” Jaehyun murmured. “Korean temples are so boring compared to the Thai’s.”

“The grass is always greener on the other side, huh?” Sicheng snickered, making Jaehyun chuckled.

After their food came, they talked about Jaehyun’s project in Bangkok. One of their clients had planned to branch out to Thailand so they came here to help setting up the system. He said he had been doing overtime for this project for months, so it had been hard to even find time for himself.

“But you’re still able to date, right?” Sicheng teased, grinning.

“Yeah, sometimes…” Jaehyun shrugged. “What about you? You haven’t seen anyone since your breakup?”

“No,” Sicheng murmured. “Don’t think I can. At least not so soon.”

Sicheng couldn’t help the sarcastic tone in his voice and Jaehyun caught it right away. His eyes glanced up to him, eyebrows raised in question.

“What happened with him?” Jaehyun asked.

Sicheng usually avoided talking about what happened, with anyone—even with Ten, but there was something in Jaehyun’s eyes that disarm him, prompting him to open up.

“He’s not the problem. It’s my dad,” Sicheng said slowly, deliberately hiding the details. “We had a huge fight over it a few months ago.”

“Because you dated a man?” Jaehyun asked point blank. Jaehyun’s inquisitive eyes hadn’t strayed away from Sicheng’s face since they started talking. It was definitely discerning, making it was almost impossible to keep his wall up.

Maybe deep down, Sicheng wanted to tell Jaehyun, wanted to unload the burden he had been carrying by himself. Jaehyun was obviously willing to listen and he wasn’t going to be around in two days. It was almost like talking to a stranger. No pressure and definitely no expectation. So, Sicheng nodded to answer Jaehyun’s question.

“But you’re out to your family, right?” Jaehyun asked.

They had talked about this before, years ago. Sicheng’s mom caught him and his high school boyfriend making out in his room. Sicheng was terrified of their reaction, but the confrontation he expected never came. In fact, his parents never talked to him about it. They just swept it under the rug and pretended it never happened.

Siwen, his sister, told him to initiate the talk himself, but Sicheng wasn’t brave enough to do that, especially when she wasn’t around to give him support. So, Sicheng never brought it up, until his dad sat him down to yell at him about it a few months ago.

“My parents and my sister know, but my extended family doesn’t,” Sicheng replied with a pained expression. “And obviously, I’m still closeted at work.”

“Are your parents supportive of you, though?”

“As long as I keep it under wraps, they won’t say a thing about it,” Sicheng shrugged.

“That’s not being supportive, Sicheng-ah,” Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows.

“Not every parent let their son have sex with another man in their house, okay?” Sicheng scoffed, making Jaehyun burst out laughing.

Funny how Sicheng could even joke about what happened between them now. For a long time, it was too painful to even think about. But here they were, five years later, laughing about the fact that Jaehyun fucked him in his bedroom with his parents literally sleeping next door.

“I know my parents are the exception,” Jaehyun said, smiling fondly. “Not every parent can be accepting, but every queer kid deserves the acceptance and support. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, of course…” Sicheng nodded.

“Just because your parents are not supportive like mine, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be supported,” Jaehyun said.

The words felt like a punch right in Sicheng’s stomach, painfully true. Sicheng was hungry before, but his appetite just completely disappeared. The soup was amazing, but Sicheng couldn’t even enjoyed it properly.

“You okay, man?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded mechanically.

Jaehyun didn’t seem to believe him, but he kept quiet about it, as if he knew Sicheng needed some space, some more time to think before he could articulate what he was feeling.

Sicheng stayed in a daze, even after they left the restaurant and boarded the ferry toward Wat Arun. As if they were in unspoken agreement, they both strolled around the temple alone. Sicheng circled the biggest stupa in the middle, stared at the mostly white ceramic details covering it.

He didn’t really paid attention to the stupa. Not really. Instead, he thought about the fight he had with his dad, the hurtful words he had to endure, and the apology he deserved but never got. He thought about the man he had to cut out of his life and the chance of relationship he had thrown away.

It was a sick déjà vu, reminiscence of how Sicheng and Jaehyun’s own relationship ended before it even began five years ago. Never in a million years Sicheng thought he would fall into the same trap twice, but he did. Sometimes he wondered whether he just had a really bad luck in his love life or he unconsciously sabotaged his own relationship out of fear of hurt and rejection.

Maybe both.

No, definitely both.

“Hey…” Someone patted Sicheng’s shoulder. He snapped out of his daze and turned his head to find Jaehyun grinning at him.

“Do you want to go back?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded.

Jaehyun put his arms around Sicheng’s shoulder as they boarded the ferry back to the other side of the river. Sicheng unconsciously leaned onto him, seeking some kind of comfort, even when he couldn’t look at Jaehyun in the eyes. Jaehyun didn’t say anything and just gave his shoulder a little squeeze.

They went back to the hostel, all hot and sweaty after walking around under the hot sun for hours. They both took a shower before lying down for a nap before they met Ten and Johnny later in the evening. Letting sleep took over his consciousness felt like a relief, finally a release from his noisy thought. Sicheng curled in his bed, buried himself inside the thin blanket, and he went to sleep.

*

When Jaehyun woke him up, it was almost dark out. Sicheng just stared at Jaehyun blankly for a minute, still refusing to get up.

“Come on, they’ll pick us up soon,” Jaehyun said. Sicheng forced himself to leave the bed and washed his face in the bathroom. Johnny called Jaehyun to let them know they arrived while Sicheng was changing his clothes. Sicheng didn’t even put on his shirt properly before he left the room.

“Sicheng-ah, your shirt…” Jaehyun murmured while they both descended downstairs. He pulled down the hem of his shirt which hiked up and exposed his back. Jaehyun’s fingers accidentally brushed on his bare skin. Sicheng winced with surprise, couldn’t help the shudder down his spine. Their eyes met and Sicheng immediately blushed. Jaehyun’s eyes widened, taken aback by his reaction.

Fuck.

“Thanks,” Sicheng muttered before practically running through the lobby and out of the building.

Ten waved from the car when Sicheng showed up and unlocked the door for him. Sicheng immediately climbed into the back seat.

“Where’s Jaehyun?” Johnny asked.

“There he is,” Ten cocked his head toward the door where Jaehyun just stepped out of. “Did something happen between you two already?”

“No!” Sicheng groaned.

“Why do you both look so flustered then?” Ten teased.

“Shut up,” Sicheng warned Ten as Jaehyun approached the car and opened the door. Ten was still chuckling when Jaehyun got into the car.

“Why? What happened?” Jaehyun asked.

“Nothing,” Sicheng hurriedly answered.

Ten took them to a famous street food stall where they ate drunken noodles, crab omelette and dry tom yum, topped off with local cold beer that Sicheng had taken a liking of.

Ten and Johnny made a vlog of their dinner, while both Sicheng and Jaehyun sat behind the camera. Jaehyun was fascinated by the whole thing since it was his first time witnessing the recording of their video.

After they concluded their review of the meal, Ten forced Sicheng to say hi to the camera and Sicheng relented, waving half-heartedly as Ten pointed the camera at him. Jaehyun, on the other hand, was excited to do so, leaning back and resting his arm on the backrest of Sicheng’s chair as he introduced himself to the camera. Sicheng imagined Jaehyun would look simply irresistible to the viewers later.

Then they burn off the calories on the dance floor of a club. Sicheng couldn’t handle his alcohol well, so he didn’t drink much, but Jaehyun, Ten and Johnny breezed through the shots without much care.

The three of them made a circle around Sicheng, hyping him up until he danced for real. Sicheng let Ten, then Johnny twirled him around. When it was Jaehyun’s turn, he grinned and casually rest his hand on Sicheng’s waist as he swayed his hips to the beat of the song. Ten and Johnny made Sicheng dance for them, but Jaehyun danced for Sicheng.

Sicheng tried not to think about it too much.

The music smoothly transitioned into a familiar R&B song. Ten announced that it was his and Johnny song before he jumped into his boyfriend’s embrace and actually grinding on him.

Sicheng grimaced and turned away, getting a secondhand embarrassment just by watching them. Jaehyun giggled, leaning forward from laughing too hard. The proximity was definitely concerning. They were almost the same height, so the second Jaehyun stepped into his space, their face got uncomfortably close. And now Jaehyun circled his arms around his neck and stared at him with a smirk on his lips. Sicheng had to look up to the ceiling, just to put some distance between them.

“Why?” Jaehyun murmured in his ears. “Do I make you nervous?”

Sicheng automatically snorted, just to brush off his teasing, just to keep it casual. “Yeah, a bit,” Sicheng admitted sheepishly.

“Well, you make me nervous too,” Jaehyun said as he caressed Sicheng’s nape. Definitely not a platonic touch, there.

Sicheng didn’t know where to look or what to do with his hands. He just gripped on Jaehyun’s shirt, still refusing to touch him properly.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Sicheng scoffed and looked the other way.

“You know me, I always play it cool,” Jaehyun chuckled. If the lighting weren’t so dimmed, Sicheng could look at Jaehyun’s ears to check the state of his emotion, but alas it was too dark inside the room.

“I thought you’re seeing a guy,” Sicheng said.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Jaehyun scoffed.

Sicheng glanced at Ten and Johnny, just so he didn’t have to look at Jaehyun. It was a mistake, because the two men were making out, right there beside them.

“Get a room, dude,” Jaehyun taunted.

“Oh, we will,” Ten smirked as he clung onto Johnny’s chest, before pointing at both of them and said, “You two should get a room and fuck whatever this is out of your system.”

“Hyung!” Sicheng groaned. Jaehyun looked taken aback by the candid suggestion. Their eyes met and Jaehyun immediately pulled away from Sicheng. Great. Now the searing attraction that had been brewing between them all night just melted away and turned into cold tension.

“You two okay go back to your hostel by yourself, right?” Johnny asked.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun answered breathlessly.

Then Johnny dragged Ten away and left the two of them on the dance floor, all awkward and flustered. The ride back to the hostel was painfully silent. Jaehyun, who usually tried to alleviate the tension between them, kept his quiet, even after they arrived in the hostel.

Sicheng couldn’t handle the suspense any longer as they reached their room. He was about to escape to the bathroom, when Jaehyun finally opened his mouth.

“Are you going to sleep right away?” Jaehyun asked. When Sicheng didn’t say anything, he added, “It’s still early. Do you want to drink some more?”

It was. It wasn’t even 10 p.m. yet and the fact that their dorm room was completely empty just supported Jaehyun’s suggestion. They were in their vacation they couldn’t possibly sleep so early.

“Should we go to the rooftop, then?” Sicheng relented.

The rooftop was definitely busier when they got there. Two bartenders were actually working behind the bar, instead of just a fridge of beers. A group of people were even dancing in the corner.

“Do you want a drink? Or just beer?” Jaehyun asked.

“Um…” Sicheng glanced at the menu. He asked about local spirits to the bartender and he recommended a Thai whiskey. So Sicheng got that on ice. Jaehyun got a cranberry vodka. They both took a sip while they walked to two empty bean bags near the bar, before swapping their drinks—mostly because Jaehyun wanted to try the whiskey.

“Sweet,” Jaehyun commented before he gave the glass back to Sicheng.

They made passing comments about the people dancing in the corner, some mindless talk as they sipped their drinks. Then they both fell into silence once again, comfortable this time.

Sicheng unconsciously curled toward Jaehyun, leaning so far back he was almost lying down on the bean bag. The alcohol in his system and the breezy weather mellowed some of his anxiety, but it persistently lingered at the back of his mind.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaehyun suddenly asked. Sicheng turned his head toward him, finding him in the same position as he was. Jaehyun was close, too close, but Sicheng couldn’t bring himself to shift away.

Sicheng considered what to answer for a second, thinking maybe he should keep it general and vague, so he wouldn’t make Jaehyun uncomfortable. But he did all that already and Jaehyun still asked the same question for the third time.

“Is it really obvious?” Sicheng mused.

“What is?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows.

“That something is bothering me,” Sicheng replied. Jaehyun chuckled, but not unkindly.

“Yeah, it always shows on your face when you’re upset,” Jaehyun said, as if he still knew Sicheng inside out. Sicheng wondered if he changed at all in the past three years, and if he did, is it for the better or for the worse?

“I worked with the guy I dated,” Sicheng finally told Jaehyun. It just came out naturally, just when he stopped thinking about it. “His name is Yujian. He’s an architect and he designed two of our projects. We knew each other for more than a year already before we started dating. We actually like each other right away, but I thought dating a colleague is a bad idea, so I kept avoiding him.”

Jaehyun hummed, “But you ended up dating him anyway?”

“Yeah,” Sicheng huffed sheepishly.

“How did your parents find out?” Jaehyun asked.

“A coworker who lived in the same building saw him leaving my apartment. She didn’t even think we’re dating, she just said in the line of, “I didn’t know you two hang out outside work”. My dad overheard it and just drew up his own conclusion.”

“What did he say?”

“How could I date someone we both work with? What if everyone finds out? He would be mortified,” Sicheng murmured. Even just repeating the words hurt him still.

“I couldn’t say anything,” Sicheng said, voice already strained from a catch in his throat. “I think I cried at one point and he told me I’m too weak and I should get over it.”

“Jesus…” Jaehyun frowned, offended on Sicheng’s behalf. “If your dad actually supports you, it shouldn’t matter whoever you date. He shouldn’t be embarrassed even if everyone knows. He should’ve got your back no matter what.”

“I know,” Sicheng murmured. He knew that already, but it was still hard to stop expecting their support, or not to be disappointed each time they made homophobic comments in his presence. It was hard to accept that his parents might never come around, that he would never get their approval no matter what he did.

“So, you broke up with him?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah…” Sicheng shrugged. “I don’t want to drag him into my problem, especially when we weren’t that serious yet.”

Sicheng thought about the night he ended their relationship. Yujian felt sorry about what happened with his dad, but not so much that he wanted to stay and overcome the obstacle. Sicheng had hoped, but ultimately got disappointed when Yujian just accepted the breakup without a fight.

Jaehyun patted Sicheng’s head gently, quietly comforting him. Sicheng forgot how it felt to get an unconditional support, to have a friend who actually understood what he was going through. It almost felt like they were back in Sicheng’s room in the university, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

Sicheng leaned into his touch and the next thing he knew, Jaehyun wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. Sicheng nuzzled his face on the crook of Jaehyun’s neck, inhaling the sweet scent of his perfume. Jaehyun’s presence was heartwarming, a welcomed distraction.

“Do you want to go back to our room?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng nodded. Once they got back to their room, they both changed into more comfortable clothes and washed up in the bathroom.

“Do you want me to…?” Jaehyun asked tentatively as he hovered near Sicheng’s bed. Sicheng looked up to, feeling a tiny squeeze in his heart when he saw how hopeful Jaehyun looked. His lips curved into a tight smile, making his full cheeks rise up.

“Yeah…” Sicheng nodded without even taking a second to think it through. Jaehyun quickly climbed onto Sicheng’s bed with him and closed the curtain for little privacy they could afford.

It was a single bed, so there wasn’t enough space for the two of them. They both had to lie on their side to sleep comfortably. Jaehyun wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer, flush against his chest. Sicheng curled into him, sighing with content, as Jaehyun dipped his nose into his hair.

“Sleep, Sicheng-ah…” Jaehyun murmured as he patted on the back of Sicheng’s head.

He was tired and still half-tipsy. All he wanted to do was falling asleep, blanketed by Jaehyun’s warmth, comforting inside the freezing air conditioned room. His eyes were already heavy and the light caress on his head just lulling him deeper into sleep.

When Jaehyun touched their forehead together, Sicheng immediately tilted his head up, so their lips could meet in a fleeting kiss, a little too light and soft to be real. Maybe it was just a dream. It certainly felt like it.

But then Jaehyun nipped his lips gently and Sicheng sighed into his mouth. The lingering sweetness of cranberry on the seam of Jaehyun’s lips was palpable against his. It all felt real, down to the grip of Jaehyun’s hand on his hips.

And that was all he could remember before he dozed off.

*

Sicheng woke up slowly in the morning. He took in his surrounding in stages. First, the sunlight seeping through the curtain. Second, someone’s arms around him, holding him tight. And lastly, the familiar suede and musk scent.

Sicheng opened his eyes and found Jaehyun still asleep next to him. His long black hair draped around the pillow, perfectly framing his gorgeous face. The frantic beat of his heart turn into static noise as he stared at Jaehyun. Somehow, his brain convinced him to not panic and just enjoyed the intimacy.

It wasn’t like he was still in love with Jaehyun. His heart wasn’t going to break if they parted after spending a night together. It has been years since he grew out of his first love after all. Not that Jaehyun was the first guy he was attracted to, but he was the first one that mattered.

“Hey…” Jaehyun murmured right after he opened his eyes.

“Hey…” Sicheng smiled nervously. Jaehyun chuckled and rested his head on Sicheng’s chest as he pushed him toward the bed until he lay on his back.

“Your heart is beating so fast…” Jaehyun mused.

“It won’t if you stop doing this,” Sicheng said. Jaehyun giggled and did the exact opposite. He huddled even closer and nestled his face on the crook of Sicheng’s neck.

“Yah…” Sicheng huffed and tried to push him away, but Jaehyun wouldn’t budge.

“Should we talk about this?” Jaehyun asked in a low voice.

“No,” Sicheng replied curtly, making Jaehyun chuckled lightly.

“I was consoling you,” Jaehyun said tentatively. Sicheng didn’t think that was his only motivation, but to his credit, he only cuddled him—and gave him a kiss just when he was about to fell asleep.

Sicheng couldn’t forget how sweet Jaehyun tasted or how soft his lips against his own. But if Jaehyun wouldn’t acknowledge it, Sicheng wasn’t going to talk about what happened last night.

“And you did,” Sicheng nodded. “Thank you.”

“It doesn’t have to lead into anything,” Jaehyun murmured. Sicheng looked at him as Jaehyun tilted his head up to see him. He was so close and Sicheng thought it wouldn’t hurt if they kissed one more time, just to try it out. In fact, they could fuck right now. A little fling during a vacation wouldn’t hurt anyone.

The suggestion was already on the tip of his tongue. Before Jaehyun opened his mouth and took him out of his daydream.

“Let’s stay in each other’s life,” Jaehyun said. “Let’s keep in touch.”

Sicheng was taken aback, because Jaehyun was always so adamant about staying out of his life before. He was always all or nothing about it. If they couldn’t be lovers, then they shouldn’t be anything at all.

“I kinda miss this, you know, us…” Jaehyun elaborated when Sicheng didn’t say anything. “And we can be friends, we don’t have to be lovers to stay in each other’s life, right?”

Sicheng still wasn’t sure where Jaehyun was going with this because both of them cuddling in bed right now was definitely not platonic. Sicheng’s own desire to kiss Jaehyun was definitely not platonic. Surely, Jaehyun wasn’t oblivious to this?

“Friends?” Sicheng raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Jaehyun chuckled lightly and pulled away from Sicheng, propping himself up with both his elbows on the bed beside him.

“We’re completely capable of being friends,” Jaehyun repeated himself.

“Yeah, before we started fucking,” Sicheng snorted. Jaehyun gave him a scandalous look, as if he couldn’t believe Sicheng dared to acknowledge it.

“Well, we’re not fucking right now,” Jaehyun said, gestured at both of them. Sicheng scoffed in disbelief.

“What changed?” Sicheng challenged because he knew nothing did. Their situation was completely the same as three years ago, but only now Jaehyun decided to sing a different tune.

“ _I_ changed,” Jaehyun said, as if it was a given. “You did too, didn’t you?”

During the last three years, Sicheng really should’ve changed, but looking at the turmoil that was his life currently, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I don’t know, man,” Sicheng shrugged.

“Just think about it,” Jaehyun concluded the topic. He probably just didn’t want to argue about it any longer.

“Should we get ready?” Jaehyun asked instead. Sicheng nodded. Jaehyun would have to fly back to Seoul in the afternoon, so they had to hurry up if they wanted to explore the city some more.

Their only itinerary today was visiting the Chatuchak Market. It was sprawling and busy and touristy, but still entirely interesting, at least to Sicheng’s eyes. They ran around the flower shops in one corner, then shopped for souvenirs to take home, then flip through the clothes from the local fashion brands Ten had told them to visit, and finally shared a cup of sweet and savory coconut ice cream.

Jaehyun had to repack his luggage to fit in all his shopping haul. Sicheng just laughed at him instead of helping.

“How come you didn’t buy anything?” Jaehyun asked.

“Dude, I still have two more countries to visit, I couldn’t shop so much this early,” Sicheng scoffed.

“Right…” Jaehyun sighed and gestured at Sicheng to sit on his luggage so he could zip it close. He collapsed on the floor after the luggage was safely closed and locked.

“You’re going to Angkor Wat, right?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng nodded without a word. “Where else?”

“Phnom Penh, then to Ho Chi Minh City.”

“Send me pictures. Lots of them.”

“Alright.”

A drawn out silence. The air between them was tinged with sadness as the inevitable farewell was approaching. The third goodbye wasn’t as heartbreaking as the first two, but Sicheng would be lying if he said he wasn’t affected by it.

“Maybe I could visit you in Wenzhou,” Jaehyun said.

“Don’t. There’s nothing there,” Sicheng scoffed.

“You’ll be there,” Jaehyun murmured. Sicheng glanced at Jaehyun at the same time as Jaehyun flicked his eyes up to him. Jaehyun’s ears started to flush, but Sicheng didn’t point it out. Knowing Jaehyun was affected by this whole thing was enough for him. They didn’t have to talk about it.

“Okay, you can come,” Sicheng said nonchalantly. Jaehyun snorted and rolled his eyes playfully.

“Come on, let’s go down,” Sicheng cocked his head toward the door.

Jaehyun checked out of the hostel and loaded his luggage into Ten’s car trunk. They had their last lunch together in a new restaurant Ten was excited about.

Jaehyun insisted they didn’t have to drive him to the airport, so they just dropped him at the train station. He gave Johnny and Ten a hug, promising to keep in touch this time. On Sicheng’s turn, Jaehyun lingered a little longer as he wrapped his arms around him snugly.

“You better reply when I text you,” Jaehyun threatened jokingly right on his ear. Sicheng chuckled nervously, trying not to focus on how Jaehyun’s breath tickled his ear.

“I will,” Sicheng muttered into his shoulder. Jaehyun hummed, brushing his lips on Sicheng’s cheek as he loosened his hug. Sicheng’s breath hitched, his heart flipped in his chest. Jaehyun was blatantly playing coy as he looked at Sicheng, as if he didn’t just kiss him in the cheek.

“See you later,” Jaehyun said. “Bye, hyung!”

“Bye!” Ten and Johnny waved their hands as Jaehyun walked toward the turnstile. Jaehyun looked back directly at Sicheng before he took the escalator downstairs. Sicheng raised his hand and gave him a little wave. Jaehyun grinned at him and nodded his head. Sicheng nodded back. Then he stared at Jaehyun’s back until he disappeared from his sight.

Ten and Johnny were giggling when Sicheng finally turned his head toward them.

“Ah, to be young and in love,” Johnny teased in a singsong as Ten twirling around Sicheng while they walked toward the exit.

“You’re only two years older than me,” Sicheng scoffed.

“But we’re now older boring couple, so we’re living vicariously through you,” Ten said.

“I can’t believe it’s been what, seven years since you two like each other and you still haven’t dated yet,” Johnny mused.

“Jaehyun didn’t even like me back then,” Sicheng sighed in exasperation.

“Who cares? He likes you now,” Ten snorted.

“He doesn’t,” Sicheng insisted. Because he couldn’t hope for something that would never happen, not when he was already feeling vulnerable. It was fun to flirt during a vacation abroad, but he had to come back to reality sooner or later. He refused to be caught in the same trap for the third time.

Ten threw a concerned look at him and circled his arm around his shoulder.

“You knew you can do anything you want, right? If you want to be with him, then be with him,” Ten murmured.

“Hyung, you know—” Sicheng sighed in exasperation.

“You’re an adult, Sicheng-ah. No one should be able to decide how to live your life except yourself,” Ten cut him impatiently, because he heard his excuse about his family too many times already.

Sicheng couldn’t bear the pitiful look in Ten’s eyes because he didn’t have the devil-may-care attitude Ten had, or the confidence Johnny always exuded, or even the independence and self-assurance Jaehyun had been given by his parents since childhood.

Sicheng grown up as a little brother and a son. He knew what his family expected of him and he wanted to fulfill the role that had been prepared for him. It felt safe and easy, to just do what he had been told. Even when he had to bend over backwards to fit in the box when, really, he was more of a circle.

“Do you want to talk?” Ten asked. Sicheng didn’t answer and glanced at Johnny instead. Even though he knew Ten shared everything with Johnny, he still couldn’t bring himself to be completely honest in front of the man, especially because Johnny was much closer to Jaehyun.

“Oh, come on, I’ll tell Johnny everything anyway,” Ten scoffed.

So, Sicheng told them about what happened last night as Johnny drove them to their apartment on the other side of the city. Ten gasped when Sicheng told him about the kiss, so Sicheng felt the need to clarify before he went overboard, “It was just a little peck, like, it didn’t mean anything.”

“There’s no way a kiss that didn’t lead to sex didn’t mean anything, Sicheng-ah, come on!” Ten rolled his eyes.

“You know you don’t need to kiss to console someone?” Johnny deadpanned, making Ten chuckled.

“He said it didn’t have to lead to anything and he wanted to be friends with me,” Sicheng snorted.

“Listen, you told him you just went through a bad breakup, so of course, he gave you some space,” Ten spelled it out for him patiently.

Sicheng couldn’t think of anything to say to counter Ten’s argument. Instead, he thought about how Jaehyun looked at him when they danced together in the club, or when he asked for permission before joined him in his bed last night. He thought about the moment Jaehyun came to see him on his graduation day, or how happy he looked when Sicheng told him he liked him for the first time.

Jaehyun had come a long way since their university days, had learned to compromise, even when he couldn’t get his way. Sicheng wondered in what other way did Jaehyun change for the last three years? Was he the only who felt like he was still stuck behind, repeating the same pattern of mistakes over and over again?

Sicheng looked out of the window, swallowing the catch in his throat. He started planning for this trip almost a year ago, even before he went on his first date with Yujian. He was excited to get away by himself, before all these happened. But now, being alone with his own thoughts for one more week didn’t sound appealing at all. Suddenly, the idea seemed terrifying.


	2. Travelogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sicheng's short travelogue, from Siem Reap to Ho Chi Minh City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still nowhere near finished the original chapter 2 I planned before, so I decided to post this short bridge (?) to buy myself some time hehe. I usually wrote a lot faster, but idk... this one is hard.
> 
> Full disclosure, I went on this exact trip Sicheng was taking, about 6 years ago. I did some research, but mostly I wrote based on my own experience so... if any of the places I wrote about had changed in the last 6 years... I'm sorry 🙃
> 
> The song mentioned in this chapter is NIKI & Phum Viphurit - Strange Land. I think the lyrics perfectly described where Sicheng was in his life at the start of this story.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

#### SIEM REAP

Siem Reap was just as hot and humid as Bangkok. Sicheng reveled in the air conditioned hotel room and a cold shower before joining the many tourists to the Pub Street for dinner. Sicheng just randomly chose one of the busiest restaurants and sat down for a meal consist of a bowl of rice and some kind of fish curry, served in a neatly folded banana leaf. It looked so pretty and appetizing—also tasted as good as it looked.

Sicheng and three other hostel guests shared a tuk tuk to visit Angkor Wat in the morning. There were two ladies and a guy. They all came from Europe and spoke the same language that wasn’t English. Sicheng wasn’t keen in making conversation this early in the morning anyway, so he kept to himself. They arrived at the complex right at the break of dawn. The early light shone over the temple and the lake surrounding it. The entire image was majestic and completely breathtaking.

The four of them hired a guide to walk them through the temple. A lot of the explanation just went over Sicheng’s head. Too early for too much English. But he managed to catch a few details here and there, adding the information he got from reading the Wikipedia page of the temple. When they got free time to look around and snapped some pictures, Sicheng wandered around by himself, amazed by the scale and all the details.

The temperature climbed steadily throughout the morning. By eight in the morning, it felt like it was more than 30 degrees Celsius outside. Sicheng was hot and thirsty and hungry. He finished all his water quickly and he didn’t think of bringing any food despite knowing he would be here all day. One of the ladies took pity on him and gave him one of her chocolate breads. Sicheng thanked her profusely and she just smiled at him kindly.

After the boost of energy, Sicheng explored Angkor Thom a little more enthusiastically—even climbing the tiered Baphuon Temple all the way to the top. At the highest level was four square stone frames, facing each other, creating a poetic image. Sicheng tried to take a picture of it, but his lack of photographic skill didn’t do it justice.

The last stop was Ta Prohm. Sicheng had seen many photos of the many trees growing out of the ruins of the temple but seeing it with his own eyes was different. The battle of the nature and human made structure created an eerie and serene atmosphere. The canopy of the tree shaded over the temple, making it darker and colder inside the complex—and just added to the ambiance. He couldn’t put it into words. It was just simply magnificent.

**Jung Jaehyun**

_Angkor Wat is amazing. You really have to go here someday._

_It’s just imposing and majestic. Idk how to describe it._

_The pictures didn’t do it justice. You have to see it with your own eyes._

_Especially Ta Prohm._

_I’d love to go! Wtf I’m doing in Seoul when I can be with you now?_

_It looks amazing even in your photos_

_You can go someday_

_I definitely will_

#### PHNOM PENH

The overnight bus to the capital was quite comfortable. Sicheng slept like a baby all night long and reached the city at dawn. For a capital city, it was quieter than he expected. It felt like a small peaceful town by the river. Even most of the building looked like they were built half a century ago.

He dropped his backpack at the hostel and walked to the Central Market. The building was designed in the style of art deco, probably built during the French occupation sometime at the early 20th Century. It was beautiful and busy and loud, not unlike the market in China.

Sicheng had a bowl of glass noodle with a yellow soup over it—similar to the fish curry he tried in Siem Reap. Then Sicheng visited the Royal Palace, located at the edge of the river with a busy plaza right in front of it. The architecture style was similar to the Thai palace, although the color Cambodian used was mainly yellow—even the pavement on the plaza was painted yellow.

After that, Sicheng went back to the hostel, took a shower and a nap until it was dark out. He walked to a nearby night market and chose the busiest stalls as usual. He bought stir fried noodle, grilled pork skewers and banana fritters. They were all good and really cheap too.

**Jung Jaehyun**

_How’s Phnom Penh?_

_Hot af_

_I went to see the central market and the palace_

_I think people here really love yellow_

_All the buildings are painted yellow_

_The market looks cool_

_Looks European_

_Yeah, it was built by the French_

_So, how’s your trip so far_

_Tired yet?_

_Not yet_

_It’s fun_

_It’s just weird that I have no one to talk to_

_Like, everytime I want to comment on something, I can’t because I’m alone so…_

_Just text me_

_I don’t have mobile data_

_Only wifi in hostel_

_Text me anyway_

_I’ll get it later when you have wifi_

_Okay_

#### SAIGON

The government name of the city was Ho Chi Minh City, but Sicheng liked its old name better, Saigon. It was busy and loud, with huge population of motorcycle drivers. Sicheng stayed in the District 1 and rented a bicycle to visit all the attraction in the area.

It was an old part of the town, filled with many colonial buildings. The cathedral. The post office. The opera house. The French style architecture looked both out of place and fitting in the middle of the bustling city.

He took it easy the first day, just biked around the district to check out the area, as well as looking for street food to snack on. He walked along Nguyen Hue Walking Street in the afternoon, played with the kids on the fountain, before climbing up the hipster Café Apartment and chose one of the many cafés to sit down and people-watch. Fortunately, the café had a free wi-fi, so Sicheng could even facetime Jaehyun and showed him around.

Then he went back to the hostel and took a nap, before going out to have noodles for dinner in a place recommended by the hostel staff. He dropped by Nguyen Hue Street again, just to check out how different it looked at night. It was prettier with all the lightings and much, much busier.

Feeling a little more adventurous tonight, Sicheng wandered into a bar, tucked inside a repurposed colonial building. He bought a glass of beer and sat down by the bar, just enjoying the vibe and the music. Jaehyun told him to dance after he sent a picture of the bar, but he wasn’t nearly drunk or brave enough to dance alone. Besides, he still had to bike back to hostel, so he couldn’t drink that much.

The next day, he visited the Reunification Palace. It was more modern, built in the 60s, but somehow looked even more out of place in the city. He walked around the building and biked to the historical museum, before cooling down in the huge park.

He headed to the market next, mostly to buy souvenirs to bring home. Instead, he just kept buying foods. He tried as many as he could—sandwich, noodles, even crepes. Also, Vietnamese coffee was so good, Sicheng downed three cups in a day and ended up unable to sleep at night.

**Jung Jaehyun**

_I think going solo is the best way to travel_

_Really?_

_You can set your own pace_

_You can do nothing for a day and visit 10 places the next_

_Like, completely up to you_

_I mean, you can do that with two people too_

_Yeah, I guess_

_You know I was afraid to be alone after I left Bangkok_

_Why?_

_Idk_

_My head is not the best place to be before_

_How are you doing right now then?_

_It’s good, I think_

_I have so much to do and visit every day, so I don’t overthink so much_

_Maybe new places can do me good_

_But you have to go back tomorrow_

_Will you be okay?_

_I have to be_

_It’s okay if you’re not_

_Don’t avoid it_

_What do you when you feel bad about yourself?_

_Talk to my mom_

_Or my friends_

_Good for you_

_You can talk to me_

_Can I call you?_

_Yeah_

_Right now?_

_No, later_

_Okay, just let me know_

_You can talk to me anytime_

_Okay_

_Thank you_

_Or you can write it down_

_In a note on your phone_

_Anywhere_

_If it’s hard for you to talk about it_

_I’ll try_

Later, after Sicheng lay down on the bed as he flicked through his friends’ Instagram story because he couldn’t sleep, he saw Jaehyun posted a song on his story. He searched the song right away and put on the earphone to listen to it.

_In a strange land, with no plans_

_Surrounded by doors, yeah_

_I can’t find myself anymore_

_With foreign people, you’re my temple_

_I want things like they were before_

_But I don’t know myself anymore_

A catch was forming on his throat. His chest was tight with pent up feelings and yearnings he thought he had forgotten. He wondered whether Jaehyun was thinking about him when he listened to the song. He curled up to his side, holding on to his phone tightly.


	3. Wenzhou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sicheng got a new job prospect and the inevitable confrontation with his parents about the possibility of him quitting the family's company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, this one took really, really long. Mostly because when I plan about this chapter, I only noted : Sicheng is quitting the company and had a huge fight with his parents over it. That bite me in the ass. Because I had to write this with no plan at all LOL.
> 
> The whole chapter just focused on Sicheng's life in Wenzhou, what frustrates him and his effort to untangle himself away from it--of course with Jaehyun by his side the whole time. So, it might get a little slow, but it's necessary for Sicheng's growth. 
> 
> While I don't use slur or anything like that, I do feel the need to add trigger warning for homophobia for this chapter, especially during Sicheng's confrontation with his parents. The scene started from "Sicheng put down his phone" to "Dad looked stricken".
> 
> As it already took me a long time to finish it, I decided to post this in time for Jaewin Week. I think it fits the office theme? I guess?
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this. Thank you so much for reading. Any comments are appreciated 🥰

The first day home was awful. Sicheng stayed in bed the whole day and dropped by his parents’ house at night to deliver the souvenirs. Dad still wouldn’t look at him in the eyes, but Mom fussed after him, telling him he got really tan and nagged at him for not putting on sunblock properly.

“So, how’s your trip?” Mom asked as they gathered around the dinner table for a meal. Mom made his favorites since it was his first day back.

“It’s great,” Sicheng answered.

“Not too lonely being on your own?”

“No, it’s great travelling alone, actually,” Sicheng grinned. “Besides, I met Ten and Johnny in Bangkok.”

Dad didn’t hide the disapproval on his face. Sicheng rolled his eyes, but kept his mouth shut, or else they would fall into an argument again.

His parents met Ten the first time they visited him in Seoul on his second year in university. At first, Dad had liked how sweet and polite Ten was, before Johnny came over to pick him up for their date and they left the room hand in hand. From that moment on, Dad had judged Ten as a bad influence on Sicheng.

“Did Ten show you around?” Mom asked, completely ignoring the rising tension between her husband and son. After all, she had years of practice of taking a neutral stance around two opposing sides. Siwen had hated her tendency to not take any side, but Sicheng understood her unwillingness to offend her husband—even sometimes at the expense of her own children’s feelings. After all, he and his sister would eventually move out of the house. Mom, on the other hand, had made her choice to stay, through thick and thin.

“No, he just told me where to go,” Sicheng answered. “But I stayed in their place on my last night in Bangkok.”

Dad snorted loudly into his cup of tea and Sicheng glared at him. Mom sighed in exasperation.

“They even live together now?” Dad scoffed.

“Yeah, of course!” Sicheng replied sharply. “That’s what people do when they’re in a relationship for years.”

“Don’t tell me you’re thinking of doing the same thing?” Dad raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“As if. You already freaked out just because I dated a guy,” Sicheng murmured under his breath.

“All I asked was just for you to keep it under wraps,” Dad said.

“Just say you’re ashamed of me, it’s easier,” Sicheng rasped, grinding his teeth to keep his temper in check.

“Sicheng…” Mom warned him before he went over the line. It did nothing to cool down the heat of anger in his stomach. God knew Sicheng had been patience, had been taking the hurtful words silently, but his restraint wasn’t without limit. Even for his own father.

“Just so you know, Johnny is American, so they can even marry if they want to. Because his country isn’t backward like ours,” Sicheng snapped with spite.

“Is that how you talk to your parents?” Dad finally yelled back, slamming his chopstick to the table forcefully. “Since when you got so rude?”

Sicheng opened his mouth to answer. The snarky response was already on the tip of his tongue. _I only learnt from the best, didn’t I?_ But one dirty look from Mom stopped him on his track.

“Don’t eat my food if you two are going to keep fighting!” Mom finally put her foot down. “Let’s just eat in peace.”

Sicheng didn’t say another word to Dad for the rest of his time at the house. He hung around the kitchen to avoid Dad who was watching television in the living room as he waited for Mom to pack some food for him.

“Just apologize first,” Mom told him wearily. When Sicheng frowned at her, she added, “Or take him fishing, I don’t know. Just make amends.”

“Papa should make amends, not me,” Sicheng sulked. “I bought him a bottle of expensive whiskey. Isn’t that an amend?”

Mom sighed as she handed him his food. “You two used to get along so well, now it’s worse than Siwen,” Mom lamented with regret.

Siwen had hated Dad’s guts since she was a teenager. Sicheng had watched them argued and fought for years, while Dad coddled and spoiled him for being an obedient kid. In hindsight, Sicheng should have known Dad would turn his back on him as soon as he strayed away from the path Dad had set up for him.

“I think if he can’t get along with all his children, everyone will agree the problem is him,” Sicheng still retorted stubbornly.

“You think I don’t know?” Mom murmured. “But being rude is not going to change his mind, isn’t it?”

Sicheng didn’t have any comeback for that. Mom announced loudly that Sicheng was leaving, but Dad didn’t even spare him a glance. Mom decided to walk him outside, just to annoy Dad.

“Ma, you’re on my side, right?” Sicheng asked.

“Of course, I am,” Mom smiled, patting his shoulder roughly. “Always.”

Sicheng gave her a smile and a small wave before walking back to his apartment. He planted himself firmly between the bed and the warm blanket as soon as he got back. He didn’t even bother turning on the light and just lay there on his side, playing with his phone.

After going through all his social media timeline, he opened the job search app out of habit. It was his favorite pastime lately, applying for new job and imagining moving out of town, where he can be free of his parents’ expectation and be whatever he wanted. He wasn’t sure he had the courage to make it a reality, but just imagining it already gave him small happiness.

Jaehyun called him, just as Sicheng was contemplating getting up to brush his teeth.

“Why?” Sicheng asked, too lazy to hold the phone to his ear so he put it on speaker.

“What are you doing?”

“Lying down.”

“Did you eat?”

“Yeah, at my parents’ house. You?”

“I’m eating right now,” Jaehyun answered before switching to video call, showing Sicheng the stir fry chicken he was eating. The dining table was familiar, a silent witness of many memories between them. Casual meals. Easy conversation. Love confession. Making out session.

“Looks good,” Sicheng said instead.

“Show me around your place,” Jaehyun urged. “Come on.”

Sicheng groaned in reluctance but got up to turn on the light anyway and slowly turn around to show every corner of the room. His room was humble, to put it nicely. A small studio, with attached bathroom and pantry.

A queen size bed with a low wooden frame in the corner. Sicheng liked using white sheets and duvets. The only color added on the bed was dark blue throw pillows rested in the corner. A small nightstand, complete with a table lamp on top of it. A set of desk and chair on the opposite side of the room, with a dresser right beside it. A woven dark blue rug completed the look.

The studio was furnished when he moved in earlier in the year, so he literally only brought his clothes in. He wasn’t fond of too much decor, so Sicheng was satisfied enough with the room. Jaehyun didn’t seem to agree.

“Charming,” Jaehyun deadpanned.

“Shut up,” Sicheng scoffed as he brought his phone to the bathroom. He rested his phone against the mirror and brushed his teeth as Jaehyun told him about his day.

“Wait, let me wash up too,” Jaehyun said as he stood up and walked to the bathroom. They continued talking while they brushed their teeth.

Jaehyun attended Chaeyoung’s wedding and met many of their former classmates. He then proceeded to update Sicheng with the latest gossip. Sicheng didn’t really care about their former classmates’ business, but he liked listening to Jaehyun talk, or watching his animated expression when he got to the juiciest bit.

“What about you?” Jaehyun asked. “Did anything happen today?”

Sicheng told him about what happened during dinner at his parents’. Jaehyun looked apologetic when Sicheng was done talking.

“Jesus, now I felt bad. You should’ve told me earlier!” Jaehyun frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sicheng chuckled. He enjoyed all the gossips. They were good distractions from his own problems.

“Are you okay, though?” Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows with worry.

It was a simple question, and it shouldn’t choke Sicheng up, but no one had asked him that before. No one had ever worried for his wellbeing after hearing such hurtful words. Even Mom was more concerned about his strained relationship with his dad than his state of mind.

“I’m fine,” Sicheng answered with a catch on his throat.

“It’s fine if you’re not,” Jaehyun said.

“I was just angry, mostly,” Sicheng mumbled. “When my dad started talking about Ten hyung, I was so mad…”

“If I’m there I’ll give you a hug,” Jaehyun said nonchalantly, like it didn’t mean anything, like his sweet words didn’t completely melt Sicheng on the inside.

“I’ll pretend you’re here,” Sicheng murmured. Jaehyun touched his screen with his forehead. Sicheng did the same, desperately wishing he was really here, lying down beside him.

“I wish I am,” Jaehyun whispered. Sicheng honestly didn’t know how they would go on pretending being friends when they were everything but. When Sicheng wanted nothing but cuddle Jaehyun to sleep, just like he did only a week ago. With more a thousand of kilometers between them though, Jaehyun’s voice and face through the screen had to be enough. It wasn’t nowhere near enough, but it had to make do. For now.

*

Finding Sicheng’s rhythm back at work took some time. On the first day, he still mourned the end of his vacation, still flicking through the photos on his phone on his lunch break. A lot of his colleagues were around his age and they all wanted to know his itineraries and how much money he spent on his trip. Sicheng was all too happy to talk about them in details.

He only really got back to work after lunch—under the glare of his manager, Qiaoyi, who never really coddled him even though he was, essentially, the owner’s son.

He checked the tender documents and material specifications for his ongoing project. Then, he had to email all the sales representatives of the material supplier to set up the date for the tender. They would invite at least three suppliers to choose from for each material so there were a lot to prepare. He had to do overtime to keep up with all the work before the tender next week.

Jaehyun never stopped checking in even when Sicheng forgot to reply his text sometimes. They still talked almost every night until one of them fell asleep—usually Sicheng. Having Jaehyun back in his life was something he didn’t know he needed. Now that he did, it felt natural to seek the comfort Jaehyun’s presence gave him. They didn’t talk about what they were doing, or even what they felt about each other. Sicheng didn’t feel the need to.

He rather liked where they were at the moment. It felt right taking things slow when all they ever did was rushing through every step of a makeshift relationship they had before because they were always running out of time.

A week went by like that, before the first meeting of the tender finally arrived. By then, Sicheng was tired and prickly from the lack of sleep. The meeting started at 2 p.m. and he hadn’t had anything to eat since he woke up except for a cold pork steamed bun Qiaoyi shoved into his mouth an hour ago.

Sicheng didn’t have to do anything during the meeting except handing out the documents for all the participants and noted all the discussions. He was preparing to do just that at the back of the room when a familiar voice spat out a question.

“You didn’t invite Yingli?” It was Dad. Of course, it was.

Sicheng glanced at Qiaoyi, because it was her call to decide which company to invite, but Dad was looking at him.

“Yingli is on the higher end and it just didn’t fit in the budget,” Qiaoyi explained patiently. This project was designed to be more affordable so Yingli, the best and most expensive brand of heating system in the country, was definitely out of question. 

Sicheng felt bad for Qiaoyi because she kept getting shit from Dad for defending him each time Dad nitpicking on his works. Sometimes Sicheng wondered how the fuck his supervisor at work gave him more support than his own father.

“Isn’t Yingli releasing a cheaper line of their product?” His uncle, who was also the project director, asked.

“Yes, I asked them, but since it was a new product, their production capacity wouldn’t be big enough in time for this project,” Sicheng replied before Qiaoyi could even open her mouth. His uncle hummed, satisfied with his answer.

“We never used other brand before, how could you be sure that their quality would be up to par?” Dad asked again.

 _Isn’t that the point of a tender, so you could examine the quality of each product and compared them against each other?_ Sicheng grumbled in his own mind, but he knew he couldn’t be so blunt in front of his colleagues, so he censored himself before he answered.

“The specifications of each product are all in the documents I handed out. Each representative of the companies would present their product as well, so if anything is unclear, we can ask them for more details,” Sicheng’s calm explanation came out like he was teaching his own dad how a tender worked. Dad scowled, definitely irked by his tone.

“You’re teaching me about tender?” Dad scoffed. Sicheng flicked his eyes up to him and shrugged his shoulders, as if telling him “Don’t ask stupid question if you don’t want to get stupid answer”.

A collective sound of sighs fell over the room. Everyone was getting tired of dealing with this every time Sicheng and his dad had to work together. Sicheng should be more graceful about this whole thing, but, really, he lost his temper just as often.

The companies’ representatives finally arrived, and the meeting promptly started. Sicheng hunched down behind the laptop at the back, trying not to draw attention to himself. All the presentations went over Sicheng’s head since he knew the specifications by heart already at this point.

After the representatives left, the directors and managers discussed which product was the best option for the project. They leaned toward the product Sicheng himself already thought was the best between the three. He felt a small satisfaction to be proven right.

The managers went out for a smoke break after the meeting ended and Sicheng followed them outside, since he needed to find himself something to eat before he passed out.

“What did you do to piss your dad so much?” The finance manager who worked directly under Dad asked Sicheng on the way out.

“Lots of things, I guess,” Sicheng shrugged, unwilling to delve into it further with his colleagues.

“Why couldn’t you cave in first. It’s been months, isn’t it?” The project manager suggested. Sicheng tried not to take it to heart. Surely, his suggestion didn’t come from a bad place.

“It’s a matter of principle,” Sicheng replied curtly, hoping it was enough for them to stop asking.

“That important huh?” He chuckled. Sicheng didn’t understand what was funny, so he just stared at him blankly. “I mean, no one cares, just don’t bring it to work. Keep family matters at home.”

“Are you guys done?” They all turned around and saw Dong Liren, Sicheng’s older cousin, standing behind them. All the managers’ faces paled at the sight of the business development director. “I think you all have more important things to do than ganging up on your junior?”

“Yes, sir,” they all murmured in a low voice.

“Run along, then,” Liren cocked his head toward the building, telling them to go back to work. They complied without another word. Liren watched them walking away, muttering something under his breath that sounded so much like, “Those little shits.”

“Thanks, ge,” Sicheng told him.

“Did they do that often?” Liren asked, concerned.

“Not often, but yeah, sometimes,” Sicheng replied.

“Do you know why?” Liren furrowed his eyebrows.

“I don’t know, maybe because I’m the boss’ son?” Sicheng shrugged.

“No one dare to say anything to me,” Liren scoffed, as if he didn’t graduate from one of the best business schools in the US, as if he wasn’t the most accomplished employee in the whole company. Liren would definitely inherit the company someday, so no one would dare to get on his bad side.

“Of course, they won’t,” Sicheng rolled his eyes. Liren chuckled and left him alone to have his smoke break. Sicheng sighed and walked to the nearby restaurant for his late lunch.

While he was busy slurping his noodles, his phone buzzed to notify a new email. He opened it, thinking it was just another spam. But the subject of the email made him almost choked on his noodles. It was a response from one of many job applications Sicheng had sent out in the last few months.

Sicheng put down his chopstick and read the email carefully. It was sent by a HR officer from Weishen Land, the up-and-coming property developers in the country. He had applied to the company multiple times and never got so much of a reply before. This time, though, miraculously, he got a reply. He was shortlisted for a sustainable engineer position and they wanted him to fill out a detailed application form for their documentation before sending it back to them tomorrow afternoon at the latest.

A new job. Sicheng mused over it in his head while he finished his meal. He had imagined it many times, but he never thought it would actually happen. Not with the offer at hand, he wasn’t sure what to do with it.

Once Sicheng got back to the office, he had no time to think about it. There were at least three other tenders he had to prepare, and he was busy for the rest of the day. He only remembered the email after he arrived home—thankfully still early in the evening.

He looked up Weishen Land on the web, searching for their ongoing projects and try to figure out which one he would be assigned to. The first one on the page was an announcement of their joint project with a Korean company, Neo Realty. It was an apartment complex in the outskirt of Seoul, which would kick off Neo Realty’s mega development in the area.

The possibility made his heart soared to the moon. Moving back to Seoul wasn’t even on his mind, but he immediately taken to the idea. Why should he move to Shanghai or Beijing for work when he barely knew anyone there? He should move to Seoul, where Jaehyun was.

Sicheng was dying to tell Jaehyun as they talked on the phone, but Jaehyun was in a bad mood after a disaster meeting with a client. So, he kept his mouth shut and listened to his rant instead.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun murmured after he complained for a full ten minutes, while Sicheng stayed quiet the whole time, only hummed at appropriate times.

“It’s fine,” Sicheng said. If it made Jaehyun feels better, he would be willing to listen to any of his complaints.

“How’s your tender?” Jaehyun asked.

“The directors chose the product I wanted, so it went well, I guess,” Sicheng replied. “My dad was being annoying, as usual, but nothing major.”

“Oh, he attended the tender?”

“Yeah, he’s the finance director, so…”

“What did he say?”

Sicheng told him what happened and how the managers reacted after the tender ended. Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows, looking offended on Sicheng’s behalf.

“Did they know?” Jaehyun asked. His voice was tight with anger. “That you’re gay?”

“No,” Sicheng shook his head immediately. No one in the office knew about it. “They always look down on me, because they all thought I only got the job because of my dad.”

“Dude, you’re, like, the most competent person I know,” Jaehyun snorted.

“It’s true, though,” Sicheng shrugged. “My dad practically handed the job to me.”

“But you’re qualified for the job,” Jaehyun countered immediately. “It wasn’t like your dad suddenly make you a manager. You started from the bottom, just like everyone else.”

“Yeah, well…” Sicheng nodded tentatively.

“Sicheng-ah, if you want me to agree when you put yourself down, you’ll be disappointed,” Jaehyun said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I’ll argue you each time.”

The kind words made Sicheng wants to curl up into himself, embarrassed and elated at the same time. Good God. No one else could make Sicheng felt like this with just _words_. He couldn’t imagine how excited he would be if he could be with Jaehyun in person, without any inhibition.

Jaehyun smiled when Sicheng just stared at him silently, as if knowing exactly what effect he had on Sicheng. The realization just flustered him even more.

“Anything else happened?” Jaehyun asked, nonchalantly changing the topic.

“I got a reply of my job application,” Sicheng told him about the job, about the company—but he didn’t tell Jaehyun about the project in Seoul. He didn’t think he could bear his own disappointment if the result didn’t go his way, let alone Jaehyun’s.

“You should just go to the interview, regardless of whether you’ll take the job or not,” Jaehyun said.

“You think so?” Sicheng murmured.

“Yeah, you got nothing to lose anyway, right?” Jaehyun shrugged. “It’s better to regret things you did, rather than that things you didn’t.”

“True…” Sicheng nodded tentatively. “You know, I never even go to an interview before.”

“Jesus, you’re such a golden spoon,” Jaehyun teased.

“Yah, you live in Gangnam,” Sicheng scoffed. If he had to choose between the two of them, Jaehyun was definitely the more privileged one.

“At least, I’m not working in the company my dad owns,” Jaehyun chuckled. Sicheng rolled his eyes in a mock exasperation.

“Well, do you want some tips?” Jaehyun asked.

“Sure,” Sicheng shrugged. Jaehyun told him all about his past interviews, the hilariously failed one, and the successful one. Rather than interview tips, Sicheng was more eager to learn more about moments in Jaehyun’s life he wasn’t there to witness.

Jaehyun mentioned the girl he dated after Sicheng graduated because he scored an interview in a company where her brother worked. Since she was their juniors, Sicheng had seen her around their building several times, but they never talked before. Everything Sicheng knew about her came from the day he stalked her on social media after he found out Jaehyun was seeing her.

Somehow the conversation shifted toward the people they dated—and fucked. The fact that they could talk about this so casually felt so weird, because Sicheng used to avoid the topic adamantly. He couldn’t stand listening to Jaehyun’s sexual escapades, especially when he was too caught up with his own feelings for Jaehyun to go on dates with other guys. Now, they could even joke about it.

Mending back their friendship was unexpectedly, the best part of this whole thing. Sure, Jaehyun’s flirty texts still sent him reeling, and there are nights when Sicheng couldn’t resist jerking off, imagining Jaehyun’s hand touching him instead of his own—especially when Jaehyun showed up on his screen for their daily call with no shirt on. But their conversation was what he looked forward to the most.

And it was nice. It was no heart-stopping crush or passionate affairs they used to had going on. This thing they had now was quieter, calmer. A gentle ripple instead of a tidal wave. But maybe, this was they needed all along and, frankly, Sicheng wouldn’t have it any other way.

*

Sicheng managed to squeeze in the interview between his schedules to visit his ongoing projects. Fortunately, he didn’t have to go all the way to Shanghai to attend the interview in person. They did it via video call instead. It went well, or at least, Sicheng thought so. The HR manager who interviewed him seemed to be impressed with Sicheng’s hands on experience in several projects, albeit the smaller scale.

The manager let Sicheng asked questions about the company or the job, so he asked which project he would be assigned to.

“Oh, we haven’t told you?” The manager raised her eyebrows. “It’s for our joint project with a Korean company in Seoul. That’s why we approached you. Because you speak fluent Korean, on top of all your credentials.”

“Oh,” Sicheng’s mouth gaped open in a pleasant surprise.

“You graduated from a Korean university too, right?”

“Yes,” Sicheng nodded right away, grinning. “So, I’ll have to move to Korea?”

“Of course. Don’t worry, we’ll provide all the living arrangement. We’ll also help you with the visa application. If you get the job, of course.”

Those were the least of his concern, but he was glad to hear it, nonetheless. At least, he knew he would be taken care of.

He got the invitation for a second interview with the user, who would work directly with him if he got hired, a week later. This time, he had to go to Weishen Land’s headquarter office in Shanghai. He ended up lying to Qiaoyi that he got a food poisoning and had to stay home for the day so he could fly to Shanghai for the interview.

Sicheng felt too nervous as he boarded the train toward the city’s suburban area. The Weishen Tower was located in the middle of the business district and the closer he got to the area, the shakier he felt. When he arrived, the sleek modern tower looked so imposing in Sicheng’s eyes. Even the employees streaming in and out of the building came across as intimidating.

He came an hour early, so he bought a cup of coffee and sat down in the café on the ground floor. Too antsy to sit still by himself, Sicheng ended up calling Jaehyun.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jaehyun picked up on the first ring.

“What are you doing?” Sicheng asked.

“I’m on the way to work,” Jaehyun answered in a low voice. Sicheng could hear the familiar melody to announce an incoming train faintly in the background. “You’re in Shanghai already?”

“Yeah, I got here too early, so I’m having coffee right now,” Sicheng said. His fingers grazed the tip of the emerald green plaid tie he was wearing. It was a gift from Jaehyun, arrived on his doorstep just yesterday. He had an inkling when Jaehyun asked for his address a few days ago, but it was still a nice surprise when he received the package. “I got your gift, by the way. Thank you.”

“Oh, great! I was afraid it won’t arrive in time for your interview,” Jaehyun chuckled. “You’re wearing it right now, right?”

“Of course!” Sicheng scoffed.

“Nervous?” Jaehyun asked gently when Sicheng didn’t say anything else.

“Yeah,” Sicheng admitted sheepishly. Honestly, he wouldn’t be this nervous if he didn’t want the job so bad. He couldn’t help it when the job would allow him to be in Seoul, to live under the same sky as Jaehyun, probably just a train ride away from his apartment.

Jaehyun still had no idea. Sicheng hadn’t told him yet. Keeping the information from him killed Sicheng a little bit on the inside each time they talked, but he would rather wait for the company’s decision than disappointing him.

“You’ll do great. I believe in you,” Jaehyun assured him.

“I don’t think so, but thanks anyway,” Sicheng murmured.

“Come on, you have to believe you’ll get the job,” Jaehyun chided.

“Yeah, you’re right…” Sicheng sighed. “I’m nervous is all.”

“The train’s coming. I have to go,” Jaehyun told him. “Let me know how it goes, okay? Just text me, though. I don’t think I can take your call later.”

“Okay,” Sicheng said.

“Good luck, Sicheng-ah,” Jaehyun said. “I’ll call you tonight.”

Jaehyun ended the call before Sicheng could answer. He sighed again and sipped his coffee slowly. Exactly fifteen minutes before the interview supposed to start, Sicheng took the lift to the tenth floor. He was told to wait in the reception area since the person he was supposed to meet was still in another meeting. A guy his age walked out of the meeting room shortly before he was called to go in. The guy was probably another candidate for the job.

The user who interviewed him was a man in his early 40s who spoke in thick Wenzhounese accent. His name was Wu Qinan, the manager of the whole project. He was delighted when he found out Sicheng was from Wenzhou himself. They ended up talking in Wenzhou dialect throughout the whole interview.

It was far from the formal interview he had in mind before he came here. They did talk about Sicheng’s experience and the projects he had worked on before. They even delved into technical details and the many ways to make a building use energy more efficiently. But somehow, Sicheng didn’t feel like he had to impress the manager, even though it was the reason he was here in the first place.

“Why do you want to quit, then?” Manager Wu asked.

“I don’t want to limit my career in Wenzhou,” Sicheng’s answer came out to be more honest than he planned before.

“You want to get out of your hometown?” Manager Wu chuckled.

“Yeah,” Sicheng chuckled. “I feel like if I don’t get out right now, I’ll stay there forever.”

“That’s not a necessarily a bad thing,” Manager Wu mused.

“Oh, no, not at all,” Sicheng agreed, albeit diplomatically. “I’m not saying the company I’m working at right now is bad. I genuinely like working there, but I do want to try a new challenge and I think this is a good opportunity for me to do so.”

“Do you think it’ll be too overwhelming to start working in a new company and country, at the same time?” Manager Wu asked, suddenly switching to Korean.

“Korea isn’t new for me,” Sicheng answered in Korean as well, smiling in reminiscence of his life in the country. “It’s familiar, even. I used to live there for four years. Most of my friends still lived there too, so, really, the fact that it’s in Korea was one of the reasons I want to join the project.”

Manager Wu hummed, before asking Sicheng if he had any question about the project. Sicheng asked about the details of the project, the team, and the responsibilities he would bear if he got the job. They also talked about the general working condition, like the contract, the benefits he would get, etc.

“We’ll let you know about our decision, probably in a few weeks,” Manager Wu concluded the interview with a warm smile.

“Yes, thank you again for the opportunity,” Sicheng nodded. They shook hands before he left the room with a relieved sigh. He texted Jaehyun, reporting that the interview went well, that the interviewer seemed to like him. Judging from the no response, Jaehyun seemed to be busy with work at the moment.

Sicheng had nothing to do here anyway, so he took the train downtown right away. Mom called just as he arrived at the central station so he could board the train back to Wenzhou.

“I heard from your dad you took a sick day,” Mom said, both worried and annoyed that she had to hear the news from someone else. “Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”

“It’s nothing, I just ate something bad,” Sicheng lied shamelessly. “I think I threw it all up already.”

“Did you eat anything after?”

“Yeah, I bought porridge.”

“Should I come to your place?” Mom offered right away.

“No, it’s fine, Ma. I’m just going to take a nap now,” Sicheng immediately spewed out another lie.

“Alright, if you’re sure…” Mom sighed. “Just tell me if you feel worse, okay? I’ll come over.”

“Of course,” Sicheng assured her.

Mom ended up dropping by in the evening anyway. Thankfully, Sicheng was already home, in his pajama, ready to sleep.

“You feel okay?” Mom asked, feeling up his forehead, before packing up the food she brought into the fridge, waving her hands dismissively when Sicheng tried to help.

“Yeah…” Sicheng nodded.

“You need to clean up once in a while, Sicheng. What is this…” Mom pulled out dried up oranges he probably brought months ago, forgotten inside the fridge.

“I forgot…” Sicheng scoffed. Mom threw out the rotten foods and cleaned up his room for good measure, still nagging at him because he left his dirty dishes unwashed for an entire day. Sicheng lay down on his bed after washing his dishes.

His phone rang, announcing a call. He left his phone on the kitchen counter, so Mom was able to see who was calling. It was clear as day who Jaehyun was to him, because Jaehyun was using their photos together as his profile photo and right now the same photo filled his screen. Both of them, grinning to the camera, with Jaehyun’s arms rested snugly on Sicheng’s waist.

Sicheng grabbed his phone and turned off his screen as fast as he could. But it was too late. Mom already saw his screen.

“Is that your…” Mom cleared her throat awkwardly. “Your boyfriend?”

Sicheng’s cheeks flushed with shame. Then he felt guilty for being embarrassed of Jaehyun because he didn’t deserve any of that. But he still couldn’t bring himself to answer the question, nor look at Mom in the eyes. He kept his gaze down to the floor instead.

“What’s his name?” Mom asked.

“Jung Jaehyun,” Sicheng replied.

“Is he Korean?” Mom asked again. Sicheng nodded without a word. “He’s handsome.”

Sicheng glanced at her, surprised. He didn’t expect any kind word about Jaehyun from her. He didn’t expect anything, really. That was the very reason he wouldn’t even mention Jaehyun’s name in front of her or Dad in almost a decade they had known each other. Jaehyun was too important to be caught up in the middle of his problem with his parents.

“Where is he staying?” Mom asked.

“In Seoul…” Sicheng answered. “He’s my classmate at university. We met again in Bangkok.”

“I figured,” Mom hummed. “You looked so happy when you talked about your trip.”

Sicheng’s cheeks blushed again, for an entirely different reason. Mom chuckled and ruffled his hair like she used to when he was still a kid.

“I’m going home, okay?” Mom said as she put on her jacket. “Don’t get sick again.”

“I won’t,” Sicheng offered with a smile. Still, only after she left the apartment, Sicheng dared to call Jaehyun back with a wide grin still planted on his face.

*

The following week after the interview was probably the longest week Sicheng had experience in his life. All he did was just waiting for the response from Weishen Land. He checked his email a lot more times than necessary and got annoyed every single time a spam slid into his inbox instead of a more important one.

By the second week, Sicheng already felt hopeless, convinced that he failed his interview. Jaehyun was more optimist than he was, telling him to be patience. It always took a while to get the result after an interview, he told Sicheng.

“You could always apply to other companies if they decided not to hire you,” Jaehyun assured him when he complained again about it for the nth time.

“I really hope I get this one, though,” Sicheng murmured. Jaehyun was still completely clueless about why he wanted the job so bad, but he still tried to console him each time Sicheng whined about it.

The longer the wait, the more he was certain he was making the right decision to leave. He thought moving out of his parents’ house was enough to get them off his back, but as long as he still worked in the family’s company and met the same people Dad does every single day, whatever he did would reach his parents’ ears sooner or later. The only alternative was to make sure everything was under wraps and he wasn’t sure he wanted to keep doing that. It felt ridiculous to restrain himself just to appease his parents when he already reached twenty six years of age.

When Sicheng texted Siwen this revelation, she only answered with, “Where the fuck you’ve been?”. Never holding back, his sister was.

Finally, almost three weeks after the interview, just as Sicheng slowly letting go of his hope to score a job in Weishen Land, the response arrived in his inbox. Sicheng gasped so loud when he saw the notification on his screen, Qiaoyi had heard him from her desk and asked what happened. Sicheng just shook his head and ran outside to read the email in private.

He only needed to read one line before he started shaking in excitement. “ _We’re happy to offer you the position of Sustainable Engineer”._ He got the job! He fucking got the job! Sicheng was grinning from ear to ear as he read the email and the official letter of offer attached.

The first thing he did was calling Jaehyun. He didn’t even care it was in the middle of a workday. He needed to tell him right away.

“Eung…” Jaehyun surprisingly picked up the call after only three rings.

“Are you busy?” Sicheng asked.

“No, I’m still on my lunch break,” Jaehyun answered. “Why?”

“I got the job!” Sicheng told him right away. “Just got the answer from Weishen Land.”

“Oh, congratulation!” Jaehyun exclaimed, definitely grinning by the sound of his voice. “I told you, you’ll get it. I’m so proud of you, baby.”

“Yeah…” Sicheng murmured, definitely didn’t miss the pet name. The last time Jaehyun had called him that was years and years ago. Hearing that again, at this exact moment, was so endearing, he felt the need to sit down to calm himself down. “Thank you.”

“So, where the job is exactly? I don’t think you ever told me. Is it in Shanghai?” Jaehyun asked.

“It’s in Seoul,” Sicheng replied.

“WHADid you say Seoul?” Jaehyun repeated, shocked.

“They’re partnering with a Korean company to do a project in Seoul. That’s why they called me for an interview, because I can speak Korean,” Sicheng continued nonchalantly, like he didn’t just drop the shocking news on completely unsuspecting Jaehyun.

“So, you’ll move here?” Jaehyun asked again, dumbfounded.

“Yeah,” Sicheng chimed.

“Yah, why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” Jaehyun asked, annoyed.

“I was waiting until I actually get the job,” Sicheng answered. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be…” Jaehyun laughed incredulously. “Fuck, you’re moving here. For good.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Sicheng shrugged.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun cussed again and Sicheng laughed. “When are you going to come here?”

“I don’t know yet. There’s a lot to do before I can leave. I have to give my notice, I have to apply for my visa. I have to tell my parents…” Sicheng sighed deeply. The realization hit him like a truck. Thinking about that conversation already made his stomach churned with dread. “Fuck. I have to tell my parents.”

“Right…” Jaehyun murmured. “It’ll be fine, we’ll think of what to say to them together.”

“Yeah…” Sicheng nodded. “Yeah…”

Both of them didn’t say anything for a while. Sicheng should’ve video called him, so he could see Jaehyun’s expression as he dropped the news, but he was in public, in front of the office with several of his colleagues smoking only a few meters away. He couldn’t risk it.

“I can’t believe you’re moving here,” Jaehyun chuckled again in disbelief. “I thought we’re just going to keep doing this…”

“Doing what?” Sicheng asked coyly.

“You know, talking… on the phone…” Jaehyun dodged the question with no finesse. Sicheng cracked up because he was usually the one who got flustered. Making Jaehyun losing his cool for once was definitely satisfying.

“Now you know why I really want to get the job,” Sicheng murmured, hoping Jaehyun got the implication.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun said softly. “I’m glad you got it.”

“Me too,” Sicheng whispered, because the smokers just finished their break, and they were going to pass by him in seconds. “Listen, I got to go back to work.”

“Yeah, me too, actually.”

“I’ll call you again tonight.”

“Okay. Congratulation again, baby,” Jaehyun said it in a low voice, sending tingles all over Sicheng’s body.

“Thanks, Hyun-ah,” Sicheng muttered, using Jaehyun’s own pet name as well. Jaehyun chuckled, humming softly before finally ended the call. Sicheng was still smiling when he got back to his desk. He wanted to hold on to the lingering excitement as long as possible before he had to face his parents and told them the news himself.

It would be fine. Talking to his parents shouldn’t be a problem. He was an adult after all. Besides, it wasn’t like he was cutting ties with them. He was just moving out of town. He would still visit them on holidays.

It would be fine.

*

It wouldn’t be fine.

Sicheng was delusional to think otherwise. Just imagining the conversation with his parents already made his stomach churned. He tried to distract himself with playing games and watching movies after he got home, but nothing worked. Even talking to Jaehyun couldn’t really relieve his anxieties. As much as he dreaded the confrontation, he figured the sooner he told his parents the better it would be for his peace of mind.

The next day, he stopped by his parents’ house after work. Not that he had decided to tell his parents, but he felt the needed to test the water, lest he would go crazy. Thankfully, Dad wasn’t home yet, so Sicheng could talk to Mom alone.

“You should tell me you’re coming. I would cook more,” Mom said.

“I won’t eat much,” Sicheng scoffed.

“That’s not the problem,” Mom tsked as she watched Sicheng played with his food instead of eating it. He glanced to her, as he reluctantly nibbled on his meal. His phone chimed to announce a text from Jaehyun and he picked it up right away.

**Hyun-ah**

_I’m going to my parents’ house after work_

_Are you going to tell them now?_

_Maybe_

_Idk_

_I hope it goes well_

_Fuck, wish I’m there with you_

_Nah, they’ll get even angrier lol_

_It’s fine_

_Need to do it sooner or later anyway_

Sicheng put down his phone and glanced at Mom. Would she be lonely if he moved out of the country or would she be glad to have some peace back in the house, Sicheng wondered to himself. He already moved out of the house, so probably it wouldn’t make much difference to her. Even when he was still in college, she had said multiple times she enjoyed having the house to herself.

“Ma, what if I moved out of town?” Sicheng suddenly asked.

“What for?” Mom raised her eyebrows, raising her voice like the idea offended her.

“I don’t know. Grad school, maybe?” Sicheng shrugged, faking nonchalance.

“Oh,” Mom chuckled lightly, looking visibly relieved. “Yeah, of course, go for it. As long as you come back.”

Sicheng forced a smile, as if her words didn’t feel like a punch straight to his gut. Because if he got a chance to move out of town, he wouldn’t want to come back—except, maybe, for a few days on a holiday.

“What if I don’t come back?” Sicheng asked. Mom glanced at him, considering it for a second. He gulped down with badly hidden panic.

“There’s nothing I can do, I guess…” Mom sighed, against Sicheng’s apprehension. “It’s a pity, but I understand if you don’t want to come back.”

“Really?” Sicheng croaked.

“I know it hasn’t been easy for you,” Mom murmured. “And I don’t know whether it’s going to get better for you or not.”

Sicheng wanted to cry right then and there. He looked down to the table, gripping his chopsticks so hard in his effort to stop himself from shedding tears. Mom was out of his line of sight, but she was clearly at loss of what to do. She put down her own chopsticks, then picked them up, then put them down again before pouring herself a cup of tea and taking a quiet sip.

“Why won’t you talk to him then?” Sicheng blurted out, with a catch on his voice. Great. It was already embarrassing that he was on the verge of tears, but the more he tried to hold back from crying, the more he choked up. “Why did you let him treat me like that?”

“You know he wouldn’t listen to me…” Mom looked the other way as she said it, like she was embarrassed to admit it.

“Did you try, though?” Sicheng glanced up to her. His eyes already glistened with tears. “Ma, are you even okay with me being gay?”

“Sicheng…” Mom frowned.

“You know for years but you never said anything about it. You just pretended it never happened,” Sicheng spat. He would never forget the look of disgust on Mom’s face when he caught him and his high school boyfriend kissing in his room, nor how Mom wouldn’t look at him in the eyes, months after that, like he carried some kind of disease.

“I thought it was just a phase. You were so young back then…” Mom said gently, probably thinking it would calm him down, but it felt like a slap on his face instead.

“Well, it’s not! I’ve been gay for twenty six years. It’s not a phase,” Sicheng snapped. Years of resentment just broke through his emotional barrier. His face burned with shame and anger and broken heart.

“I know now…” Mom murmured.

“And you’re ashamed of it. You told me you’re on my side, but you wouldn’t want anyone to find out, right?” Sicheng couldn’t stop himself. He felt like a child, throwing a fit for not getting what he wanted. But he had been patient, he held back, he swallowed back his anger and disappointment, but it never went away. It just built and built until it gnawed at him from the inside.

Sicheng didn’t know when Mom started crying. She covered her face with both her hands, her shoulders were shaking as she sobbed quietly. Now he felt guilty for losing control, for making her cry. Fuck. He didn’t think he ever saw her cry before.

“Ma…” Sicheng mumbled.

Then he could hear the front door being opened and the telltale of Dad taking off his shoes in the foyer. _No, no, no_. He couldn’t confront him right now. He wasn’t ready for it. He would just lose his composure and crackle under Dad’s overbearing presence again. But neither he nor mom were able to collect themselves quickly enough. The second Dad walked in, he would find her crying and blame him for it somehow.

Sicheng took a deep breath and wiped his eyes roughly. He tried to remember what Siwen had told him to do before. Stay calm. Don’t get angry. Don’t raise your voice. Be mature. He repeated them over and over in his head like a mantra.

“What happened?” Dad asked, glancing at both of them warily.

“Nothing…” Mom answered quickly.

“What did you say to your mother?” Dad scowled at Sicheng right away, ready to blame him for any inconvenience Mom had to experience.

“Can you sit down, Pa? I want to talk to both of you,” Sicheng said, somehow finding enough strength to address Dad directly for the first time in months. He turned to face him, not quite at his eyes—he couldn’t do that yet—just at Dad’s general direction.

Dad raised his eyebrows, obviously taken aback, but he sat down beside Mom without another word. Sicheng’s hands were shaking so he dropped them down to his lap, away from Dad’s sight as he raked his brain to find words to say.

“What is it?” Dad asked impatiently.

“I was just telling Ma, that me liking men is not a phase, that I’ve been like this for twenty six years and I’m not going to change,” Sicheng said, looking at the fridge behind Dad, because he couldn’t look at him directly. “I’m not going to suddenly like women.”

“Have you tried it yet?” Dad asked, like Sicheng was talking about something as trivial as food preference. “Have you ever tried being with a woman?”

“I have,” Sicheng nodded calmly. God knows he tried. Back when he was still couldn’t accept this part of himself, when he tried desperately to enjoy being with girls, just to feel like a normal teenage boy. The problem was he never did. They were all pretty and kind, but his feelings for them never developed to be more than platonic affection.

“Maybe you haven’t tried hard enough,” Dad said.

“Pa…” Sicheng sighed in exasperation. “I think I’d notice if I’m attracted to a woman. But it never happened before, nor it would ever happen in the future. I think it’s time for you to accept it.”

“Are you seeing _a man_ again?” Dad accused, pronouncing the word _man_ like it was a fucking slur. “Is this why you’re making a fuss?”

“Yes, I would want to,” Sicheng confirmed boldly. “Don’t you want me to find a partner? To find someone who can make me happy?”

“Of course, we want to,” Mom nodded immediately.

Dad glared at her for that, before saying, “Don’t encourage him.”

“You don’t have to witness it if you don’t want to,” Sicheng murmured.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dad scowled.

“I don’t need to be here if you two wouldn’t accept me for who I am,” Sicheng shrugged. Mom glanced at him with wide eyes. It looked like something clicked inside her mind.

“Sicheng…” Mom furrowed her eyebrows.

“I tried, Ma,” Sicheng sighed wearily. He wasn’t even angry anymore, he was just tired. He really wished he didn’t have to defend himself from the very people who were supposed to love him unconditionally. But here he was, begging for their support for the nth time.

“I listened to every word you said. I went back to regular school after I stopped dancing. I couldn’t get into university here, but I got a full scholarship in Korea. I took engineering major like you wanted. I came back here after I graduated. I join the company and I work hard to not embarrass you. All I ask from you was just to accept this. To let me be if you can’t, but you kept shaming me for it, belittling me at work in front of everyone. And I’m tired, Pa. I don’t deserve this.”

“You ungrateful child,” Dad pointed at him with fury. “Do you think I didn’t work hard for you? Do you think I didn’t give my blood, sweat, and tears to build the company so you and your sister could have a better life?”

Mom touched Dad’s shoulders, murmuring words to calm him down, but he just shook off her hands. Sicheng looked away, rolling his eyes with so much loathe.

“Look at me when I talk to you!” Dad shouted. “You and Siwen are exactly the same! I gave everything you asked and not once you thanked me! Not once!”

“Well, then, I should move away like jie jie, right?” Sicheng hissed.

“And where are you going to work? You should be grateful that you can work in _my_ company. Because who will hire you? If they know what you’re up to, who will hire you?” Dad snickered with disgust. Honestly, it would hurt less if he cut Sicheng’s chest open and ripped his heart out. Even Mom gasped with shock and glared at him like his words was aimed toward her.

Sometimes, Sicheng wished Dad had treated him like this all along, so he could just hate him wholeheartedly without any guilt. But Dad adored him so much as a child, proud of all his achievements as a dancer, even attended his performances as much as he could. But everything just went to waste now. All his pride and affections disappeared without a trace.

“Weishen Land, that’s who,” Sicheng spat, shaking from head to toe with anger. Dad looked stricken, obviously shocked with how things have turned. He really thought he would be able to bully Sicheng to stay and guilt trip Sicheng to keep his control over him.

“Yeah, they offered me a job and I’m going to take it,” Sicheng felt a sick satisfaction as he said it. “I’ll submit my resignation letter on Monday.”

For once, Dad couldn’t find a word to say. Sicheng got up immediately, couldn’t wait to leave after saying his piece. Mom followed after him, ignoring Dad who was still confined to his chair, probably too embarrassed to say anything after losing an argument.

“You’re really leaving?” Mom asked while Sicheng hastily put on his shoes.

“Not for another month, probably,” Sicheng answered. Mom didn’t say anything, but her lips quivered like she was about to cry and Sicheng was struck with guilt once again.

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng murmured.

“Me too,” Mom whispered. “You’re right. You deserve better than this.”

Sicheng stared at her, wanting to console her or maybe for her to console him, but didn’t know how. They never hugged, never even touch each other beyond quick pats in the shoulder. Sicheng desperately wanted one now, craving any kind of comfort, but all he could do was just stood there without a word.

“It’s okay, you just go home. I’ll call you later,” Mom nodded to assure him.

“Okay…” Sicheng nodded back.

The way back to his apartment felt especially long today. He walked slowly, absentmindedly almost. He went autopilot, letting his legs taking him without much thought. His mind was busy somewhere else, replaying the conversation with his parents again and again like a broken record.

Somehow, he reached his apartment. He let his bag fall to the floor as he sat down at the edge of the bed, staring forlornly at the wall. Maybe he should cry, just to unknot this twisted feeling inside his chest, mix of anger and sadness that he couldn’t express. He thought again about how he almost cried when he talked to Mom earlier, but as much as it saddened him, his eyes were still dry, and the awful feelings remained.

He reached for his phone inside his bag, finding three unread messages from Jaehyun. _Let me know how it goes, okay? You’re still there? Call me when you’re done._ Sicheng called him right away. Jaehyun picked up on the first ring, as if he was waiting for Sicheng to call the whole time.

“Hi, baby,” Jaehyun greeted him softly. “How did it go?”

It broke something inside him. He didn’t know what, but his tears suddenly fell without warning. The next thing he knew he was sobbing so hard he couldn’t say anything without stammering.

“It was.. s-so bad… Dad…” Sicheng whimpered. His voice cracked with tears and all the emotions he could finally let loose.

“Where are you? Are you home yet?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah..” Sicheng mumbled.

“Okay, I’ll go up right away. Just wait there…”

“What…?” Sicheng asked, confused. Jaehyun didn’t answer, but Sicheng could hear the sound of steps, as if he was running somewhere. “Jaehyun-ah…?”

Sicheng put down his phone and buried his face on the pillow so he could cry in peace, all choked up, gasping for breath. His chest hurt, everything hurt. All he wanted to do was curling up into himself until his tears dried out.

Someone knocked on his door all of a sudden, startling him. He never had guest, except for couriers and he didn’t remember ordering anything.

“Who is it?” Sicheng croaked, embarrassing himself with his strained voice.

The one answering talked in broken Mandarin, obviously not a Chinese. “Is it… Dong Sicheng’s… place?”

Sicheng gasped with surprise. He would recognize that voice anytime, even when he was talking in a different language, he usually used with him. Is he here? No way. No fucking way.

Sicheng almost stumbled on his own leg in his hurry to reach for the door. He didn’t even care his face was messy with tears. He needed to see him as soon as he humanly could. The face greeted him at the other side of the door was the exact face he had hoped. Jung Jaehyun, in the flesh, right here in Wenzhou.

Jaehyun smiled at him as soon as his gaze fell upon Sicheng’s face, but all Sicheng could do was just weep, happy to see him but too enveloped in his sorrow to properly appreciate his presence.

“Jaehyun-ah…” Sicheng immediately sobbed again, rushed to latch himself onto him, burying his face on his shoulder. Jaehyun wrapped his arms around him, gently patting the back of his head.

“Let’s get you inside, okay?” Jaehyun murmured softly. He almost had to carry Sicheng so he could step inside and close the door behind them. Sicheng’s legs buckled from both shock and relief. Jaehyun kneeled down with him, still pulling him close and letting him lean on his chest. Feeling safe inside his arms, Sicheng completely let go and cried his heart out. Jaehyun didn’t say anything, just tightened his hug and patting his head until his sobs died down.

Sicheng looked up to him, still hiccupping after bawling so hard. Jaehyun wiped the trail of tears on his cheeks tenderly, smiling when he noticed the way Sicheng was staring at him with wonder. Sicheng still couldn’t believe Jaehyun was really here, on this exact moment.

“When did you get here?” Sicheng asked.

“This afternoon.” Jaehyun murmured. “I bought the ticket as soon as you told me you got the job and I asked for a day off. I wanted to surprise you, but I didn’t expect you’d talk to your parents today.”

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng said.

“No, don’t be,” Jaehyun shook his head. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Can I tell you later?” Sicheng pouted. If he talked about what happened right now, he felt like he would start crying again and, honestly, he was too tired to go through that one more time.

“Okay, just take your time…” Jaehyun murmured as his fingers found its way onto Sicheng’s hair, caressing him tenderly.

Honestly, it was ridiculous. They were sitting on the floor, with Jaehyun’s back against the door. All his limbs caged Sicheng in, letting him stick to him like he was starved for affection. Sicheng rested his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, caressing Jaehyun’s cheek as he tilted his head up toward him. Jaehyun looked at him with so much fond in his eyes, Sicheng felt like he would be content to die right there and then, knowing how much he cherished him.

“Kiss me,” Sicheng whispered. Jaehyun’s lips slowly curved into a smile, until both his dimples set on his cheeks. He didn’t lean in, only clasping Sicheng’s cheeks gently.

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng nodded immediately, sighing when Jaehyun finally tipping closer. His eyes fluttered close just as their lips touched in a light kiss. His lips were soft and warm against his, sending tingles all around him. When Jaehyun tried to pull away, Sicheng whined and chased after his lips, circling his arms around his neck to stop him from drawing back.

“Don’t stop,” Sicheng murmured. Jaehyun chuckled, looking at him with soft eyes. “Why?”

“No, just… it reminds me of our first kiss. You said that too,” Jaehyun said. The fact that Jaehyun still remembered things he said in passing five years ago was so endearing, honestly. Sicheng still felt all weak and wobbly after everything that happened today, his eyes started to well up again.

“Why?” Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

“No, just..” Sicheng shook his head, letting out a weak laugh. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

“So am I, Sicheng-ah…” Jaehyun said as he tightened his embrace. Sicheng snuggled up to his neck, relishing the way Jaehyun’s familiar scent filling up his senses, the way it relaxed him. “So am I.”


	4. Seoul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sicheng said his goodbye to Jaehyun in the privacy of his apartment, where he could hug Jaehyun as tightly as he wanted, kiss him as much as he desired. He went downstairs with Jaehyun when his taxi arrived, pulling him into a hug one last time before he left. They smiled as they waved each other goodbye. Just one more month and there would be no other farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally ends! When I started this series, I didn't know it would be this long, to be honest. I promised myself I wouldn't start long projects again, but here I am, more than 70k words later.
> 
> This was one of the hardest (and longest) thing I ever wrote, because I had to dig deep into Sicheng's mind and just... stay there and figure it out. It was hard to navigate, but I hope I manage to end his journey well.
> 
> The hits for this one have been slower than I expected, but it made me appreciate all of you who stay until the end even more. Thank you so much for reading this and for leaving such sweet comments. They really made my day, more often than not.
> 
> So, without further ado, enjoy!

Sicheng let Jaehyun hauled him up and guided him toward the bed. He lied down after taking off his jacket and pulled Jaehyun down with him. They both lay down on their side, facing each other as Sicheng went over the arguments he had with his parents—or Dad, mostly. Jaehyun didn’t say anything and just listened patiently to everything he said, but his frown got deeper and deeper as Sicheng recalled the hurtful things Dad had said to him.

“I can’t believe your dad said that,” Jaehyun shook his head in disgust. “I’m so sorry, you had to listen to that. He’s wrong, you can work anywhere you want, okay? And if any company wouldn’t hire you because you’re gay, it’s probably a terrible company anyway.”

“Yeah…” Sicheng nodded. He knew that, of course he did, but those words Dad said still hurt. The wound it caused still gaped open, throbbing with pain.

“Will you talk to them again before you leave?” Jaehyun asked.

“To my mom, yes, but to my dad… I don’t think so,” Sicheng replied, shaking his head. “Unless he apologized first, which is unlikely.”

“Hey…” Jaehyun reached out to cup his cheek gently, looking at him in the eyes as he said, “I’m proud of you. You did so well stand up for yourself.”

Sicheng didn’t understand how Jaehyun could say that so easily, without even batting his eyelids. Because those words meant the world to him. After giving up dancing, he had done everything he could to hear those words again, to prove he could still make something of himself, even when he had to completely change his direction in life. Maybe that was why he held on this long because he couldn’t believe all his efforts would go unappreciated. That if he stayed long enough, Dad would look at him again with pride and affections, like he did in his childhood.

Jaehyun would never grasp the depth of his desire to hear those words, but he still said it, right when Sicheng needed it the most.

“Thank you…” Sicheng murmured. Conveying all his appreciation and affections in just two words were impossible. Maybe he should say something more because they weren’t enough. What he felt for Jaehyun was much, much more than that.

“I love you,” Sicheng told him, in his native tongue, because it hit deeper, felt more meaningful to him that way, before he repeated it in Korean for Jaehyun, “I love you, Jaehyun-ah.”

“I love you too,” Jaehyun whispered.

How come it was so easy, Sicheng wondered, as Jaehyun rushed to capture his lips, pressing his body closer until Sicheng could feel the firm plane of his chest against his. How come he just immediately believed everything Jaehyun told him, like it was the most natural thing in the world. How come it felt actually possible they would stay together forever.

Sicheng circled his arms around his neck, nestling his nose on the side of Jaehyun’s jaw. Jaehyun sighed softly, pressing his lips onto the top of Sicheng’s head.

“So, we’re dating now, right?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng scoffed, but still replied with a soft, “yes”. Jaehyun chuckled as he ran his fingers through Sicheng’s hair, caressing his head gently. “I did well come here, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” Sicheng murmured. “Thank you… you sent me gift, even coming here to see me. I haven’t even done anything for you…”

“You’re moving to Seoul, isn’t that the best gift you can give me?” Jaehyun asked softly.

Sicheng looked up to him, before telling him, “You know I wouldn’t take that job if it’s not for you, right?”

“Well, I know now…” Jaehyun chuckled. “I thought you just needed a reason to leave.”

“You’re the reason,” Sicheng said.

The way Jaehyun looked at Sicheng was so gentle and affectionate, Sicheng wanted to hide his face behind his arms from embarrassment. Jaehyun’s grin widened when Sicheng’s cheeks flushed under his gaze.

“Doesn’t it feel weird how easy this is for us now?” Jaehyun wondered out loud. “It was so hard for us to even be together before, but now everything just fell into their place perfectly.”

“Yeah, it does…” Sicheng murmured. “It almost makes me feel uneasy.”

“Nah, don’t be. It’s a good thing,” Jaehyun assured him. “It’s meant to be.”

“Yeah…” Sicheng nodded, smiling shyly as Jaehyun leaned in one more time for a chaste kiss. It should be sweet and cute, but Sicheng’s stomach decided to grumble at that very second, ruining the moment. He forgot he only had a couple of bites of his meal earlier, before storming out of his parents' house.

“Should we get something to eat?” Jaehyun asked, chuckling.

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded, embarrassed. “What do you want to eat?”

“You pick. Take me to your favorite restaurant,” Jaehyun said.

“You know I’m just going to get a hotpot, right?” Sicheng grinned, because Jaehyun could never keep up with the spicy soup Sicheng preferred for his hotpot.

“Are you sure you want to eat spicy food now?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows, letting Sicheng filled in the blank. Sicheng blushed immediately when he finally connected the dots. Right. He shouldn’t let spicy food mess with his stomach if he wanted Jaehyun anywhere near his ass tonight. Jaehyun burst out laughing, always so eager to tease him.

“I’m just kidding…” Jaehyun said, even when he was still cackling. Sicheng pouted, playfully punching Jaehyun’s arm. When his laughter finally died down, Jaehyun assured him, “No, really, we don’t have to do anything tonight, if you don’t feel like it.”

“Yeah, okay…” Sicheng nodded. As much as he wanted to go all the way with Jaehyun, he really couldn’t do right after a fight with his parents. Sex was the last thing he needed after bawling his eyes out less than an hour ago.

Sicheng climbed out of bed to wash his face, cringing when he saw how swollen his eyes were. He decided to wear his glasses out to cover his eyes just a little bit. They walked to the noodle place in the neighborhood Sicheng had frequented since childhood.

Sicheng just walked in and sat down at one of the empty tables, but Jaehyun took his time, eyes glancing around the humble restaurant. Suddenly, Sicheng was reminded of the time Jaehyun took him to his favorite bakery in his neighborhood. He remembered how eager he was to learn about the part of Jaehyun’s life had never known before. Maybe Jaehyun felt the same way now.

“Did you come here often?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah, since I was a kid,” Sicheng said. “Did you eat?”

“No, I thought I should eat with you,” Jaehyun shrugged, as he glanced at the menu with interest, although he obviously couldn’t read any of it. “What’s good here?”

“The shrimp noodles are good,” Sicheng pointed at the picture on the menu. Jaehyun decided to order it right away, while Sicheng ordered wonton noodles soup for himself.

“Do your parents live close by?”

“Yeah, just five minutes’ walk from here.”

Jaehyun opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. When Sicheng asked what’s wrong, he only shook his head and looked down to the table. Sicheng had a hunch about what Jaehyun wanted to tell him, so he decided to ask him first.

“Do you want to meet my mom?” Sicheng asked cautiously. Jaehyun’s eyes widened with surprise.

“Does she know about me?” Jaehyun asked back, obviously excited.

“Yeah, I told her a few weeks ago,” Sicheng shrugged. “I have to ask her first, though. If you do want to meet her.”

“Of course, I do,” Jaehyun nodded, grinning as he did. “I mean, I’m here already, so might as well meet her, right?”

“Don’t expect too much, though. She might not want to…” Sicheng murmured, smiling weakly when Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows at him.

“It’s fine either way,” Jaehyun patted the back of his hand gently, before immediately pulled his hand back when the staff came to serve their noodles.

“Is it good?” Sicheng watched as Jaehyun digging in right away. Jaehyun nodded, noting how soft and chewy the shrimps were. Sicheng grinned, happy that Jaehyun enjoyed some of his favorite food.

“It’s crab season so we should eat some tomorrow, what do you think?” Sicheng suggested before he started eating his own noodles.

“Yes!” Jaehyun’s answer was muffled by the noodles inside his mouth, but he still nodded enthusiastically. Sicheng nodded back, still grinning.

Thank God Jaehyun decided to come here today. Sicheng really didn’t know what he would do without him—probably just locked himself in his room and felt sorry for himself all through the weekend. But he could still smile and laugh because Jaehyun was distracting him and he was grateful for it.

They walked back to Sicheng’s apartment after dinner. When they passed an empty street, with no other people around, Jaehyun clasped their hands together, grinning when Sicheng threw him a questioning look. Before Sicheng could say anything, he leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

“Yah!” Sicheng hissed, looking around in panic. Jaehyun just laughed and pulled Sicheng toward the apartment building, urging him to rush back inside. They raced each other as they climbed the stairs, giggling all the way.

Sicheng let Jaehyun took a shower first after they got back. He almost fell asleep waiting for him to finish, still in clothes he wore to work. Jaehyun woke him up later, telling him to at least change his clothes.

After changing into pajamas and brushed his teeth, Sicheng turned off the light and joined Jaehyun on the bed. Jaehyun’s eye were already heavy with sleep, but he still welcomed Sicheng with open arms when he snuggled closer.

“Sicheng-ah…” Jaehyun called in a low voice.

“Yes,” Sicheng hummed.

“How are you feeling now?” Jaehyun asked as he started to caress Sicheng’s hair gently. Sicheng considered it for a while.

“Better than I expected,” Sicheng answered. “I pretty much had a breakdown after the last fight with my dad, so the fact that I can still laugh tonight is a huge improvement.”

“You were caught off guard before, unlike now,” Jaehyun consoled him. “You had time to prepare.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded, pausing for a second to gather his thoughts. He looked up to Jaehyun, afraid that he fell asleep already, but he glanced back at him with a smile, still waiting for him to say something.

“Why?” Jaehyun asked. So Sicheng told him everything. His and Dad’s amicable relationship in his childhood, compared to the turmoil relationship of Dad and Siwen. How disappointed Dad was when Sicheng lost his passion of dancing and decided to stop doing it altogether. How Sicheng tried everything he could to make Dad proud of him again and fell short each time. How Dad’s true colors only showed after he found out that Sicheng actually seriously dated a guy and, no, he had no interest in women. How Sicheng finally concluded that he tried his best and if it still wasn’t enough for Dad, it was his problem, not Sicheng.

Their late night talks sometime ventured around this topic, but Sicheng had never talked this candidly before, nor went into great details about vulnerable moments he had gone through. In fact, Jaehyun was the first person he told all this—besides Siwen, of course.

Sicheng could tell Jaehyun would never understand the depth of despair a person feels when their own parents rejected them, but he listened anyway. Not once he tried to counter Sicheng’s words, nor made light of his pain. And honestly, that was all Sicheng could ask for.

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this before?” Jaehyun asked.

“Honestly? I didn’t realize how fucked up it was,” Sicheng shrugged. “I just accepted it. I thought I deserved it.”

“No one deserved that kind of treatment,” Jaehyun frowned.

“That’s why I was so struck to see your relationship with your parents. I thought parents like yours only existed in American movies,” Sicheng said, prompting Jaehyun to laugh.

“To be fair, I think they’re so open minded because they lived there for years,” Jaehyun said.

“Nah, one of my uncles lived in New York for decades and still homophobic as fuck,” Sicheng snorted. “Your parents are just genuinely nice…”

“I’ll share them with you,” Jaehyun murmured. “They’d love to have you as their son. They already asked about you almost every day…”

It gave Sicheng a small burst of happiness, that Jaehyun’s parents still thought kindly of him, even after he thoroughly broke their son’s heart, right in front of their faces too.

“Did you tell them about me?” Sicheng asked.

“Yeah, I mean, I call you every night and they bound to hear some of it,” Jaehyun shrugged. Sicheng thought about what he had said to Jaehyun on the phone and considered how embarrassed he should be. Just on the verge of mortified, probably.

“Come on, let’s sleep, we can talk again tomorrow,” Jaehyun said as he tightened his hug around Sicheng. It was a long time coming, so Sicheng let himself to savor every little thing Jaehyun had to offer him. His touch, his scent, his quiet breath. He smiled into the crook of Jaehyun’s neck and let sleep taken over his consciousness.

It felt like such a short time before Sicheng snapped awake by the buzz of his phone. Jaehyun groaned and rolled away from him to get some more sleep. So, Sicheng picked up his phone and walked out of his apartment to talk to her.

“Hi,” Siwen greeted, sounded worried right from the start. “How are you doing?”

“Fine…” Sicheng murmured.

“Really?” Siwen asked incredulously. “I know you. You’re just going to mope around and stay inside for the whole weekend.”

“I’m not!” Sicheng scoffed right away—even though that was exactly what he would do if Jaehyun wasn’t here. “Besides, it’s fine. Dad said pretty awful things, but I won’t let them get to me.”

Siwen didn’t say anything for a while, before murmuring, with a much gentler tone than usual, “When did you grow up so much?”

“I didn’t…” Sicheng mumbled sheepishly.

“You did,” Siwen said. “Good for you.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Sicheng snorted because he felt too awkward to say it properly. Siwen ignored him because that was just how their relationship worked, teasing and sarcasm as forms of affection.

“What’s gotten into you? I thought you weren’t going to leave, ever,” Siwen chuckled. “You’re so obedient, you even came back after they let you leave for Korea.”

“I don’t have any other job prospect before,” Sicheng snorted.

“Did you ever try before?” Siwen deadpanned.

“I did!” Sicheng tried to defend himself.

“After you got into a fight with Papa, right?” Siwen scoffed. Sicheng didn’t have any comeback for that. “Does it have to be in Korea, though? I thought you don’t like it there.”

“When did I ever say that?” Sicheng scoffed.

“Or is it because you got so heartbroken because of your ex—what’s his name again?” Siwen asked. Sicheng swallowed his retort that him and Jaehyun never even dated officially. No one cared. To everyone around them, they were dating back then.

“Jaehyun,” Sicheng murmured before admitting, “Yeah, maybe a little.”

“Sicheng, you were genuinely sad over him,” Siwen deadpanned.

“Speaking of Jaehyun,” Sicheng ignored her immediately, clearing his throat to prepare himself for the confession. “I got back together with him.”

“What?” Siwen yelled with surprise.

“Yeah, I met him in Bangkok, and we’ve been talking again…” Sicheng finally came clean. “He came here to visit me last night, actually…”

“So, he’s here right now?” Siwen asked in disbelief.

“Yeah…”

“That’s why you’re doing well,” Siwen scoffed.

“Pretty much.”

“That’s why you want to move to Korea?”

“I mean, he’s a big part of the reason why…” Sicheng mulled it over in his head. He hadn’t tried to really articulate his thoughts about this before. “But I feel like I did it for myself, mostly. Maybe I want to go back at the time where I still lived there. I had such a good time there, actually. I could see whoever I wanted, and no one would question it. I have friends who I could be honest with, who I could really trust… like, it was so good back then.”

“Yeah, but you can do that anywhere, you don’t have to move to Korea…” Siwen mused. “It’s not like you can come out publicly in Korea, either.”

“If I’m moving anyway, why wouldn’t I move to the city to where Jaehyun lives?” Sicheng snorted.

“Fair,” Siwen said, before admitting with concern, “I just don’t want the same thing with Yujian happened again…”

“Oh, no…” Sicheng retorted right away. “Jaehyun’s different. We go way back, and we went through so much already. I don’t think he’ll start anything with me if he’s not serious about it.”

“You’re really sure about him, huh?” Siwen chuckled.

“No, just…” Sicheng sighed, embarrassed that he was being a little too honest about this. “I trust him, is what I’m saying.”

Sicheng hadn’t said it out loud to anyone before. In fact, he never felt that way about Jaehyun before. Because Jaehyun went _around_ during their university years, had no interest in a relationship and preferred casual hookups instead. So, despite everything, despite Jaehyun poured his heart out and told Sicheng he loved him, Sicheng never believed his words before. That was the reason Sicheng rejected him back then. He couldn’t abandon the promise he made to his parents for a guy he didn’t even fully trust.

But Jaehyun was different now, more careful, even more genuine. It showed in his effort to stay presence in Sicheng’s life, even when he was thousands of kilometers away. Sicheng appreciate that more than any of his sweet nothings he used to tell him years ago.

“Good for you,” Siwen said softly. “Hope it works out with him.”

“Me too,” Sicheng smiled.

Then, Siwen talked about what was happening in his life. She talked about her boyfriend, Adam, who she had been dating for three years and living together for the last two. Despite complaining that her life was boring, Sicheng knew she was content with what she had, even if she had to move half the world away to get it.

“Do you…” Sicheng asked hesitantly at the lull of the conversation. “Do you want to talk to Jaehyun?”

“Ugh, do I have to?” Siwen scoffed, definitely reluctant. Sicheng didn’t take offense, because they were both socially awkward, so it wasn’t unusual for them to avoid any interaction with people they weren’t comfortable with. “I don’t even speak Korean.”

“Jaehyun is fluent in English,” Sicheng said.

“Alright…” Siwen sighed. Sicheng rushed back inside the room to wake Jaehyun up. The sound of the door being closed already did the job, making Jaehyun looked up in a daze as Sicheng climbed on the bed.

“Hey, do you want to talk to my sister?” Sicheng asked. That finally brought Jaehyun back to earth.

“Right now?” Jaehyun asked, shocked.

“You don’t have to if you’re not ready…” Sicheng hurriedly said, but Jaehyun shook his head and extended his hand, asking Sicheng for the phone. Sicheng gave it to him.

“Wait, which language should I talk to her in? English?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng nodded and Jaehyun brought the phone closer to his ear as he greeted Siwen politely. They talked for a few minutes, mostly just introducing themselves to each other. Jaehyun told her how they met in Bangkok and ended up getting closer again. Right before he ended the call, he stayed quiet and listened to what Siwen had to say for a while.

When Sicheng asked what she said, Jaehyun answered, “She said, you’ve been through a lot, so be gentle.”

“That’s it?” Sicheng asked in disbelief.

“It’s just embarrassing to say it myself…” Jaehyun scoffed.

“Come on!” Sicheng kept prodding.

Jaehyun sighed in exasperation but he still replied anyway, “She said, honestly, knowing what happened between us before, she was worried for you. But you told her you trust me, so she believes I will treat you with respect you deserve.”

“Oh… okay…” Sicheng murmured shyly, embarrassed that Siwen spilled what he told her about Jaehyun to the man himself.

“Yah, we’re dating already, why are you so shy about?” Jaehyun teased as he casually put his hand on the small of Sicheng’s back. Sicheng rolled his eyes and tried to scoot away, but Jaehyun wouldn’t let him. “Should we go out now? Have some seafood?”

“Yeah, we should get there early to get a table,” Sicheng said.

“Where else we should go?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng considered it for a while. There weren’t many places they could visit in the city. It was no tourist destination, unlike Bangkok or Seoul.

“We can to the island, or the park, maybe…” Sicheng suggested, listing the few tourist attractions in the city.

“Sure…” Jaehyun agreed easily, as if it didn't matter where they were going, as long as they were together.

They got ready to go out and took a bus to the restaurant. As soon as they settled in the corner, a lot of people started streaming inside the restaurant. Shortly, every table was filled with eager patrons, ready to order the seasonal seafood. They ordered their food and devoured all of them—quicker than Jaehyun preferred because Sicheng chewed too fast and Jaehyun had to keep up before running out of food. When it came to pick up the tab, they bickered again because both of them wanted to pay. Sicheng ended up paying—simply because he could speak Mandarin and Jaehyun couldn't. 

Then they took a walk in the park and climbed the pagoda to check out the city view. Sicheng pointed out the neighborhood where he grew up and currently lived. After all that exercise, they took a break in a café nearby, having coffees and cakes while they were at it.

“Where do you usually go when you’re not working?” Jaehyun asked.

“I don’t really go out much and even when I do, I usually stayed around my neighborhood,” Sicheng shrugged.

“I figured…” Jaehyun murmured, as Sicheng was always home every time he called before. “What about your friends?”

Sicheng didn’t have many friends left in Wenzhou, especially because he went to middle and high school in Beijing. He only went back to Wenzhou for the last year of high school and made only a few friends. Most of them already moved out to bigger cities or even abroad for college or work. He rarely seen the one who still stayed here, mostly because he wasn’t fond of pretending to be straight in their presence.

“Sometimes, I wondered why you insisted to live here,” Jaehyun murmured. Sicheng snorted at that, looking out at the window, sighing wistfully.

“I wondered that myself,” Sicheng said.

*

The restaurant Mom picked for their dinner together was a western restaurant near the city center—away from their neighborhood. Sicheng tried to not take offense. The fact that Mom had agreed to have a meal with Jaehyun was already a good start. He wasn’t going to nitpick the restaurant choice or location.

Jaehyun had carried around the gift he brought for Mom for the whole day. Actually, he already prepared gifts for both his parents, a scarf for Mom and a tie for Dad—both brand name and ridiculously expensive. Jaehyun had tried to convince Sicheng to let him give both gifts to his mom, at least, but Sicheng wouldn’t have it. He told Jaehyun to refund the tie instead. Jaehyun looked reluctant, but he still tucked the tie back inside his luggage before they left the apartment.

Sicheng knew Jaehyun was the one who should be nervous, but he couldn’t assure his boyfriend it would be fine because he wasn’t sure himself. Unlike Dad, Mom wouldn’t make a scene in a public place, but that was a low, low bar. The possibility of Mom getting along well with Jaehyun was unlikely either, especially because they didn’t even speak the same language. It gave Sicheng a little peace of mind, though, knowing he had to bridge every communication between Mom and Jaehyun. That way he could filter any bad reaction or comment.

Mom was already sitting at their table when they arrived. She was wearing one of her best dress, clearly putting an effort to look presentable. Sicheng took it as a good sign.

Jaehyun automatically bowed to her as soon as they were close enough and Mom threw a confused look at Sicheng, silently asking what she should do.

“It’s a Korean greeting, Ma,” Sicheng explained right away. “Just nodded, you don’t have to bow back.”

Mom nodded her head awkwardly and gestured at Jaehyun to sit down. They both did, with Sicheng sat in front of her and Jaehyun beside him.

“Nice to meet you, ah yi. I’m Jung Jaehyun,” Jaehyun told her in Mandarin, as Sicheng had taught him this morning. Sicheng gave him an encouraging nod when he murmured in Korean, “Did I say it correctly?”

“Nice to meet you too, Jaehyun,” Mom said, smiling politely. “You look even more handsome in person.”

Sicheng translated it to him quietly, feeling secondhand embarrassment for having to repeat the compliment out loud. Jaehyun grinned, eyes lingered a second too long at Sicheng before thanking Mom.

“You look beautiful too,” Jaehyun returned her compliments shamelessly. “Now I know where Sicheng got his good looks.”

“Really?” Sicheng scoffed and translated what Jaehyun said to Mom, prompting her to laugh cheekily. Her smile got even wider when Jaehyun presented her the gift. She looked rather shocked to see the brand on the package, clearly didn’t expect such an expensive gift. She exchanged a glance with Sicheng who only gave her a roll of his eyes. He should’ve known, if anything could shed a positive light on Jaehyun in Mom’s eyes, it was the fact that Jaehyun was loaded enough to afford this shit.

“Thank you, you really don’t have to,” Mom said, still smiling.

“I wasn’t sure what you would like. I had to ask my mother for advice,” Jaehyun added right away.

“Oh, really? How nice of her,” Mom was being so nice and pleasant, Sicheng couldn’t believe his eyes. “Sicheng never bought me this kind of gift.”

“Yeah, because I can’t afford it,” Sicheng defended himself in Mandarin.

“Don’t be crass,” Mom chided impatiently. Sicheng ignored her and looked at the menu instead, leaving Jaehyun in the dark, not knowing what they were talking about.

“What do you want to order?” Sicheng asked Jaehyun.

“What did she say?” Jaehyun asked warily.

“Just guilt-tripping me for not giving her gifts like that,” Sicheng shrugged, making Jaehyun chuckled.

After they finished ordering, Mom proceeded to ask Jaehyun about himself and his family, where he worked, where his parents worked. She asked how long they have known each other, then looked surprised when Sicheng said Jaehyun was his best friend in university.

“Why did you never talk about him?” Mom asked, pointedly looking at Sicheng. “You only ever mentioned Ten and Kun.”

“Because he’s more than a friend,” Sicheng replied sheepishly, shaking his head when Jaehyun looked at him in question, refusing to translate what he said.

“Even then?” Mom raised her eyebrows. Sicheng nodded without another word, too embarrassed to even look at Mom in the eyes.

Their food arrived at that exact moment, saving Sicheng from having to explain himself even further. Mom and Sicheng ordered pasta, because it was the restaurant’s specialty, but Jaehyun’s roast chicken looked so good, Sicheng ended up asking Jaehyun for a piece of it. Jaehyun tried to feed him, but Sicheng refused to let him do it in front of Mom—even though feeding each other during a meal was a completely normal gesture between friends in Korea.

Jaehyun asked Mom what she likes to in her spare time and Mom happily talked about his weekend trips with her friends from high school. They just visited Nanji Islands last month. She even showed Jaehyun the pictures she took on her trip. Jaehyun looked genuinely interested in the pictures, offering comments in half gesture and half basic English, so Sicheng didn’t need to translate anything for them.

Good, because translating the whole conversation back and forth was harder than Sicheng thought it would be. He felt like his brain was about to explode for having to switch between the languages so quickly.

When Jaehyun excused himself to go to the bathroom, Sicheng finally dared to ask about Dad. Mom just shrugged a little.

“He hasn’t talked about you at all,” Mom answered in a low voice. “He wasn’t mad, though. He’s a little quieter than usual. So, I think it’s a good sign?”

Sicheng didn’t dare to hope, so he kept his expression neutral and pretended the information didn’t affect him. “Does he know you’re having a dinner with me?” Sicheng asked.

Mom shook her head before saying, “No, he already went out in the afternoon to drink with his friends.”

The look Mom send him was loaded with unspoken words and well-meaning worries. Sicheng fiddled with his glass of wine, unsure of what to say.

“You’re eating well?” Mom asked. Her code to make sure Sicheng was doing okay.

“Yes. I ate out last night with Jaehyun last night and this morning as well,” Sicheng replied.

“Does he stay in your place?” Mom asked again. Her tone wasn’t particularly charged with any innuendos, but Sicheng blushed by the implication, nonetheless. He nodded and stayed quiet, keen to change the topic. He didn’t expect the next thing Mom said was, “Good. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“That’s why you asked jie jie to call me?” Sicheng asked.

“I figure you might need someone to talk to,” Mom murmured. Sicheng took his time before cautiously glancing at her again.

“Jaehyun seemed nice,” Mom said simply, before sipping her wine.

“He is,” Sicheng nodded, agreed immediately.

“Did you date him in university?” Mom asked. It was the most interest she had ever shown in his actual love life—not just the possibility he ever dates a girl—and it felt foreign and awkward and heartwarming. For most people, it was probably meaningless, or annoying even, but it felt like a huge step in the right direction for him.

“He had asked me, once, but I rejected him,” Sicheng answered, tentatively letting her in, just a little bit. “Because I planned to go back here, and I didn’t think it would work with the distance.”

“That’s why you’re moving to Korea, now?” Mom asked. Her expression looked wistful, like saying those words out loud hurt her. Sicheng felt a catch in his throat as he nodded. “You’ll still go home on the new year, right?”

“Of course,” Sicheng nodded. “I mean, if Papa’s not mad at me anymore.”

“Just come anyway,” Mom said. “Even if he’s still mad.”

“Okay,” Sicheng promised immediately. “I will.”

When Jaehyun came back, Sicheng looked at him with glassy eyes, silently asking for some comfort. Without a word, Jaehyun took his hand and gave it a little squeeze under the table. A soothing caress on his tender heart and it was all Sicheng could ask for.

Turned out, Jaehyun took care of the bill on the way to the bathroom. He even offered to pay for Mom’s taxi as well, but since they all headed in the same direction, they ended up shared the ride together.

Jaehyun walked her to the front door, against Sicheng’s warning. The last thing he wanted was for Jaehyun to run into Dad. Sicheng tried to follow them, but Mom gestured at him to stay back. Worries filled his head as he watched Jaehyun and Mom conversed via their phones, typing instead of talking. Jaehyun would tell him later that they used a translator app, because they didn't have the heart to ask him when he looked so drained after translating for them for hours.

Jaehyun let Sicheng read what Mom typed on his phone after they got back to his apartment. It read, “Sicheng hadn’t looked this happy in a long time. I think it’s because of you. I’m glad you’re here to keep him company after his fight with his father. From what I see, you’re kind-hearted and considerate. I hope you’ll take good care of him.”

Tears had started pooling at the corner of Sicheng’s eyes in the middle of reading the text. Jaehyun circled his arms around Sicheng, pulling him closer.

“And I promised her I will,” Jaehyun whispered softly.

Sicheng leaned his head on Jaehyun shoulder, fitting himself inside Jaehyun’s warm hug. Letting go the emotion he had been keeping at bay the whole dinner was overwhelming, to say the least. He wept silently, soaking Jaehyun’s shirt with his tears. Unlike last night, it was happy tears, relieved tears.

“I think it’s safe to say that your mom likes me,” Jaehyun said smugly.

“Yeah,” Sicheng mumbled. “Thank you.”

Jaehyun hummed and pressed a light kiss on his temple, “It was my pleasure, Sicheng-ah.”

After the roller coaster of emotion in the past two days, Sicheng was completely drained. It was as if his body just shut down, his energy depleted. He had to fight of his yawn just to wash his face and brush his teeth. He already drifted off to sleep when Jaehyun joined him in bed and carefully hauled him closer, flush against his chest.

“Hyun-ah…” Sicheng mumbled.

“Ssh, it’s fine, just sleep,” Jaehyun hummed as he caressed Sicheng’s hair softly. Sicheng hummed back, curled closer into Jaehyun and closed his eyes again.

*

Winter was approaching, but Sicheng felt warm when he woke up. Jaehyun’s body always ran a little hotter than most, seeping through their clothes and heating Sicheng’s skin just a tad shy of sweltering. Sicheng squirmed, kicking the blanket away before trying to wiggle out of Jaehyun’s strong grip around him. Jaehyun groaned before opening his eyes reluctantly. He looked down at Sicheng with a pout, annoyed that his morning slumber was disturbed.

“Why?” Jaehyun asked. His voice was still hoarse with sleep.

“You’re too warm,” Sicheng complained.

Jaehyun hummed and tightened his embrace around him instead. His hand wandered, low on Sicheng’s waist, but not low enough to soothe the sudden need engulfing him. In this distance, Jaehyun’s intense gaze felt almost overwhelming, igniting a completely different heat between them. Sicheng wanted so much, unable to wait any even a second longer.

He cupped Jaehyun’s cheeks and fit their lips together for a searing kiss. Jaehyun responded with equal passion, nipped his mouth open immediately. Sicheng moaned, digging his fingers into Jaehyun’s hair, making Jaehyun groaned softly, before tilting his head so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue slipped between Sicheng’s lips, grazing Sicheng’s tongue carefully.

Unlike their previous kisses, they didn’t hold back. They kissed like they meant it, like they both knew this was just the beginning of something more. God knew Sicheng wanted more. Because the memory of Jaehyun against him, over him, inside him, was nowhere near enough anymore. Sicheng wanted the real thing, wanted to confirm whether it was just as good as he remembered—or better, even. Sicheng believed he could do much better now, at the very least.

Jaehyun’s fingers slipped under his shirt, palming his bare stomach. His grip on Sicheng’s waist tightened, before he scooped Sicheng up—making him yelped with surprise—and place him on top of him. The casual show of strength made Sicheng almost felt lightheaded.

Looking down at Jaehyun, who looked back at him with heavy-lidded eyes, dark with lust, was another overwhelming experience. Honestly, Sicheng was still marveling at the fact that Jaehyun was here. Just three months ago, the idea sounded impossible. He had long given up to the possibility of him and Jaehyun ever getting back together. But now, here they were, pressed up against each other in the most intimate way and Sicheng couldn’t wait to get even closer to him.

“Hyun-ah…” Sicheng called, using the names he only used between gasps of pleasure, when Jaehyun was deep inside him, years and years ago.

“Yes?” Jaehyun murmured, reaching out to caress Sicheng’s cheek gently.

“Do you want to fuck?” Sicheng asked. Jaehyun chuckled as he rose up so he could wrap his arms around Sicheng.

“You’re wearing too much clothes for that,” Jaehyun whispered, as he palmed the swell of Sicheng’s ass, pushing them downward until their erections rubbed against each other. Sicheng gasped, holding on to Jaehyun’s shoulder for leverage before rolling his hips for more friction.

“Fuck, baby…” Jaehyun groaned, swallowing Sicheng’s whine with another heated kiss. Sicheng kept grinding down, encouraged by Jaehyun’s dirty praises on his ears.

“Keep thinking of you every time I jerk off,” Jaehyun confessed in a low voice. Sicheng whimpered at the idea, imagining Jaehyun imagining him as he touched himself. The next snap of his hips was harder, slower, making both of them groaned with pleasure.

“Want you to ride me again, until you come all over himself. Just like you did on my bed, remember?” Jaehyun whispered. Of course, Sicheng remembered. In fact, it was still one of the best sex he ever had.

“I can do it again,” Sicheng choked out.

“Well, take this off so I can open you up, then,” Jaehyun crooned in his ear, slipping his fingers passed the waistband of Sicheng’s pants. Sicheng sighed and nodded eagerly, getting rid of his shirt and pants as fast as he could.

“Where’s your lube?” Jaehyun asked after he dumped his own pants out of the bed.

“On the nightstand,” Sicheng answered, before spreading his legs open and touched himself while he waited for Jaehyun to fetch the lube and pour it generously on his palm.

“Come here…” Jaehyun urged after he sat down against the wall, patting his lap for Sicheng to claim. Sicheng straddled him, legs on each side of Jaehyun’s hips. His hands automatically circled Jaehyun’s neck for purchase. Jaehyun pulled him flush against his chest, before slithering his hand down onto Sicheng’s ass. With bated breath, Sicheng buried his face on Jaehyun’s neck and gasped when he felt Jaehyun’s finger circling his rim.

When Jaehyun finally pushed his finger in, Sicheng sighed softly. He hooked his fingers behind Jaehyun’s nape, pressing his lips onto Jaehyun’s neck as Jaehyun fucked him slowly with his finger. Sicheng stayed still, letting Jaehyun worked him open as he planted light kisses all over his neck. It wasn’t until three of Jaehyun’s fingers buried inside his ass, that Sicheng started to move his hips, meeting Jaehyun’s thrusts in the middle. The drag felt so good, Sicheng couldn’t help the loud moan escaping his lips, uncaring of the fact that his neighbors might be able to hear him.

“That good?” Jaehyun hummed teasingly.

“Yeah, fuck…” Sicheng whimpered. Jaehyun fastened his pace, punching out a series of whine and curses out of Sicheng’s mouth. Jaehyun watched him with hooded eyes, obviously impatient to get some action himself.

“Stop, stop, I’m ready…” Sicheng urged breathlessly.

”Okay,” Jaehyun grinned as Sicheng reached for the nightstand to get a condom. Jaehyun pouted at the sight of the package, asking, “Do we have to? I got tested before I came here. I’m clean.”

“I haven’t, though,” Sicheng scoffed. “I’ll take the tests later, so you won’t have to wear this next time.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun sighed, letting Sicheng rolled down the condom on him. When Sicheng finally sank down on his cock, both of them sighed with content, instinctively leaned closer for an open mouthed kiss.

Too impatient to wait, Sicheng started to move, as both Jaehyun’s hands found their way onto his hips, steadying him. Sicheng leaned back, hands on the bed behind him, fully presenting himself for Jaehyun to ogle over.

“Look at you,” Jaehyun groaned, as his eyes swept over Sicheng’s body, fingers caressing him, leaving trails of heat on his skin.

It was both embarrassing and disarming. Sicheng couldn’t even look at Jaehyun in the eyes, opting to close his instead. But the angle was so good, with Jaehyun hitting the sweet spot each time Sicheng rolled down his hips, inciting a chorus of moans from both of them.

“Sicheng-ah…” Jaehyun called, pulling him closer until Sicheng had no other choice but to look at him. Jaehyun was panting, staring at him like he was ready to jump him, as if his cock wasn’t buried deep in Sicheng’s heat, still.

“Can I?” Jaehyun murmured, pleading almost.

“Yeah, okay…” Sicheng nodded right away. With both his hands gripping into Sicheng’s hips, Jaehyun started fucking up into him, driving in hard and dragging himself out slow. Sicheng couldn’t help the whines escaping his mouth, relishing how Jaehyun filled him up, prodding him on all the right places.

“Feels good,” Sicheng moaned. “Don’t stop.”

Jaehyun hummed before suddenly pushed Sicheng toward the bed, a little rougher than he had been so far, but Sicheng didn’t care. Honestly, he wanted Jaehyun to ram into him until he lost his damn mind.

Jaehyun leaned down, after positioning himself between Sicheng’s thighs. With Sicheng’s arms around Jaehyun’s neck, their lips found each other in a passionate kiss, tongues swirling, breaths stuttering. Then Jaehyun straightened himself and pushed himself in, setting up an easy pace at first.

“Harder,” Sicheng groaned. Jaehyun chuckled and gripped onto Sicheng’s hips before slamming into him on the next thrust. Sicheng yelled, clenching down with surprise.

“Baby…” Jaehyun groaned deliciously.

“Come on, give it to me,” Sicheng urged. The glint in Jaehyun’s eyes told Sicheng, it was the exact push he needed. The snap of his hips got harder and harder, making the bed frames creaking loudly with the force of his movement. Sicheng moaned and whined with each thrust, wishing for more and wanting Jaehyun to stop at the same time. His whole body started to tingle, his eyes rolled back with pleasure, as a familiar rush started to flood in.

“I’m close…” Sicheng managed to say. When Jaehyun wrapped his fingers around his cock, Sicheng gasped, unable to contain himself. “Hyun-ah…” Sicheng whimpered and grabbed onto Jaehyun’s forearm.

“Come on, baby, let go for me,” Jaehyun hummed to encourage him. One, two strokes, and Sicheng cried out as he came so hard, his vision whitened out. His whole body tensed, heart hammering in his chest and blood rushing into his head.

Sicheng was only vaguely conscious as Jaehyun pulled out and started to jerk himself off, using Sicheng’s cum to ease the slide. Sicheng moaned weakly at the sight, cocked his head at Jaehyun, asking him to come closer.

“I won’t take long,” Jaehyun murmured as he fits their lips together in a kiss, fast and filthy. Jaehyun grumbled when Sicheng pulled away. His complaint turned into a loud moan when Sicheng took him in his mouth, ignoring the fact that he was coated in Sicheng’s own cum.

“Fuck, Sicheng…” Jaehyun groaned, letting out ungodly noises as Sicheng stared at him dead in his eyes and bobbed his head, while his hand stroke where his mouth couldn’t reach. Jaehyun forced himself to stay still, making his whole body tight with restraint. Despite all that, his fingers still found their way into Sicheng’s face, gently swiped away his hair out of the way.

“I’m coming…” Jaehyun’s warn came out stifled.

Sicheng nodded, urging him to let go and Jaehyun did. His hot release filled Sicheng’s mouth and he swallowed all of it, moaning as he did. Jaehyun watched him with wet eyes and heavy breaths, before finally collapsing on the bed. Sicheng climbed on top of him and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

“Kiss me…” Jaehyun said.

“You just came in my mouth,” Sicheng said incredulously.

“And you just tasted yourself on my cock, so?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. Sicheng scoffed back, but kissed Jaehyun on the mouth as requested. It was slow and languid, heady in the best way possible. They sighed into each other’s mouth, fingers caressing each other’s skin, still damp with sweat, relishing the afterglow for a while.

The fact that they could fit into each other so seamlessly, even after three years long break delighted Sicheng so much. Jaehyun felt exactly the same, but completely different at the same time. Jaehyun might not be in his mind before they met again in Bangkok, but the second they touched, his body remembered Jaehyun, welcoming him like no other man. Muscle memory and all that bullshit.

“Wait, can I take a picture of you first?” Jaehyun asked when Sicheng finally rose to clean himself.

“What for?” Sicheng groaned sheepishly.

“Come on, I’m leaving tonight,” Jaehyun pouted cutely. “Can’t you give something to get off to?”

“Yah…” Sicheng rolled his eyes.

“What? Do you prefer I jerk off to a random dude in some porn?” Jaehyun asked incredulously. The idea annoyed Sicheng enough to consider it for a second, instead of rejecting it right away.

“Can I?” Jaehyun asked, as he rested his fingers low on Sicheng’s hips. His other hand still holding his phone, clearly recording the whole thing.

“Are you recording this?” Sicheng asked, unwittingly covering his face with his arm, embarrassed in front of the camera.

“I’ll stop if you want me to,” Jaehyun said, even though, clearly, he didn’t want to.

“No, go ahead,” Sicheng nodded weakly, letting Jaehyun had his way with him and recorded everything in his phone. It was mortifying, but arousing at the same time, knowing Jaehyun would watch the video later, getting himself off to the image of Sicheng’s naked body, writhing with pleasure.

They stayed in bed the whole day, skin to skin, wrapped over the other, sharing choked up gasps and moans of pleasure. Jaehyun wouldn’t let Sicheng go for a second, complaining even when Sicheng needed to go to the bathroom. Sicheng acted as if he was annoyed, but he bit back his smile each time Jaehyun pulled him closer, secretly liked how clingy Jaehyun was.

It was as if both of them wanted to make up for the time they had lost, the time they would be apart again, even if it was only for another month. The thought of Jaehyun leaving filled Sicheng with so much dread and longing. Sicheng missed him already, even though Jaehyun was still here, in his bed, with his chest pressed against Sicheng’s back.

“Sicheng-ah…”

“Hm?”

“Where are you going to live in Seoul? Which neighborhood?” Jaehyun suddenly asked.

“I don’t know yet. I have to ask the company first,” Sicheng said. “Why?”

“Just… thinking about how we’re going to fuck if you don’t live alone. Because, obviously, I can’t bring you home,” Jaehyun answered.

“Move out, then,” Sicheng snorted. “You must’ve earned enough already.” 

“Should we rent an apartment together?” Jaehyun casually suggested, as if the idea wasn’t a huge life decision. Sicheng turned to face him, completely flabbergasted.

“Are you being serious right now?” Sicheng raised his eyebrows.

“Too soon?” Jaehyun grinned.

“You think?” Sicheng scoffed. “We literally just started dating two days ago.”

“But, if we’re both going to rent a place anyway, might as well do it together, right?” Jaehyun muses. His tone was still light enough to be considered casual, but his eyes looked sincere when he continued, “Besides, it’s not like we were strangers before we started dating. We’ve known each other for seven years and we’re in love with each other for half that time. If life didn’t get in the way, we probably have been dating for years already.”

“You really think that?” Sicheng raised his eyebrows.

“You don’t?” Jaehyun asked back, surprised.

“I was the one who rejected you, so I didn’t think I had the right,” Sicheng shrugged. Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows at the admittance, making Sicheng’s inside squirmed with guilt and self-loath for a flash second.

“Don’t say that…” Jaehyun whispered, shaking his head.

“It’s true, though…” Sicheng murmured.

“It doesn't mean it’s a bad thing,” Jaehyun opposed softly. When Sicheng looked at him in disbelief, Jaehyun added, “In hindsight, you were right to reject me. If you said yes back then, we would’ve just hurt each other.”

“That was the reason why I said no, actually,” Sicheng confessed. “I wasn’t sure about your feelings for me, and I think you weren’t either.”

“Yeah, it was more like an infatuation, than love. I was just scared of losing you and I didn’t think about the consequences, for you especially,” Jaehyun said. It must’ve taken a lot to admit that. Jaehyun had a lot of pride and always had a hard time accepting a defeat. The fact that he could say that without a hint of bitterness made Sicheng oddly proud, even though Jaehyun did all that by himself.

“You’ve really matured a lot in the past three years,” Sicheng mused. Jaehyun chuckled as he curled up closer to Sicheng, nudging his nose on the crook of Sicheng’s neck.

“So, will you think about it?” Jaehyun asked again.

“What?” Sicheng asked back, losing track of what they were talking about.

“Move in with me,” Jaehyun answered lightly. Before Sicheng could say anything to argue his suggestion, Jaehyun added, “I’m just asking you to think about it. If you think it’s not a good idea, then we won’t do it. If you think it is, then I’ll find an apartment for us in Seoul. Besides, we don’t really need to follow what other people think was the right thing to do in a relationship. We’ll just do what works for us, okay?”

Sicheng always thought asking someone to move in together required a big romantic gesture—not unlike a proposal, especially because they couldn’t get married legally. But he liked that they could talk about this so casually, knowing how much it took for them to be able to do this. Maybe this was how a relationship worked when it started as a friendship. They didn’t stop being friends, they just became more.

“Okay, I’ll think about it,” Sicheng nodded. Jaehyun smiled widened and it made Sicheng smiled too, because anything that made Jaehyun happy, made him happy too.

*

Sicheng said his goodbye to Jaehyun in the privacy of his apartment, where he could hug Jaehyun as tightly as he wanted, kiss him as much as he desired. He went downstairs with Jaehyun when his taxi arrived, pulling him into a hug one last time before he left. They smiled as they waved each other goodbye. Just one more month and there would be no other farewell.

The first thing Sicheng did when he arrived at work was telling Qiaoyi he wanted to resign. He apologized for the way Dad had been treating her and thanked her for her endless support and patience for him. Qiaoyi lamented the fact that she had to train another clueless fresh graduate, but she still wished him luck for his new endeavor.

Sicheng sent his formal resignation letter to the HR department right after he finished talking with Qiaoyi. By lunch, everyone in the office already knew Sicheng was quitting, and they all speculated correctly it was because of his increasing disagreement he had with his father. Sicheng kept his mouth shut when his colleagues asked where he was going to work next, because he didn’t want to put more oil on the raging flame by announcing to everyone that he was moving to a bigger company in the same line of business.

Right before he left for the day, Sicheng’s uncle, who was the head of the department he was in, called him to his office. When he entered, Liren was there too, smiling in amusement as their eyes met. Sicheng sighed and sat down beside Liren. Uncle was a lot calmer and open minded than Dad. Sicheng never had a problem with him before and he didn’t want to start now.

“What is this?” Uncle asked, waving around Sicheng’s resignation letter. “Did your dad even know?”

“Yes, I told him already,” Sicheng replied defiantly.

“And he agrees?” Uncle raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t need his permission to quit,” Sicheng said matter-of-factly. More than anything, his firm determination seemed to shock Uncle the most. Maybe because he knew how obedient Sicheng was to his father before. Liren, on the other hand, was chuckling, obviously entertained by Sicheng's fearlessness.

“Yes, you can resign if you want to, but I don’t want you to leave on a bad term. Especially when I don’t know what the problem was,” Uncle said patiently. “Do you hate working here?”

“No,” Sicheng shook his head immediately. “At least, until I started fighting with Papa and he treated me so badly in front of everyone.”

Uncle sighed with weariness, taking off his glasses and massaging his forehead, as if Sicheng’s problem was making his head hurt.

“Would you mind telling me what you two are fighting about?” Liren opened his mouth for the first time. Sicheng’s first instinct was to lie or stay silent about it, but he was tired of hiding, tired of letting Dad owning the narrative of his life, tired of hearing people’s assumptions of his private business. For the first time ever, he wasn’t scared of the repercussion of coming out, simply because he didn’t give a fuck of what other people think about him. Why should he when he wasn’t going to see any of them in a month?

“The fact that I’m gay,” Sicheng deadpanned. Liren’s smile didn’t even falter one bit. Sicheng always had a hunch he knew all this time. After all, they were living together in Beijing while Sicheng had gone through the excruciating process of accepting his own sexuality in his adolescence. Sicheng had tried to be meticulous in wiping out his trail, but it was possible that he missed one or two times.

"You already know," Sicheng said. Liren nodded without a word. He had been picking up all the clues silently, waiting until Sicheng was ready to tell him, but Sicheng never did. Until now.

The realization warmed Sicheng's heart, sparking a rush of affection for his older brother. His lips curved into a genuine smile—actually glad he came out to Liren.

"Thank you for telling me,” Liren told him, squeezing Sicheng's shoulder gently as he said it.

“Thank _you_ , ge," Sicheng murmured back. They both turned to look at Uncle, who winced as his eyes met Sicheng's, clearly unsure what to do or say, especially after Liren immediately embraced Sicheng's sexuality.

"Well, I didn't know…" Uncle said awkwardly. Liren hummed and casually asked where Sicheng was going to work next, effectively changing the topic. As if what Uncle thought about Sicheng's sexuality wasn't worth any of their time. Liren had nothing but kind words for Sicheng’s new job in Weishen Land. He even threw a meaningful look at Uncle, silently telling him to say something, forcing Uncle to congratulate Sicheng too, wishing him luck half-heartedly.

"Shufu, do you have anything else to say?" Liren asked Uncle. "If not, how about a drink, Sicheng?”

“Sure…” Sicheng nodded tentatively.

"So, I'll just process your resignation, huh, Sicheng?" Uncle asked. Sicheng nodded without another word. "I'm sorry, you have to leave this way…" Uncle said, sounding genuinely remorseful.

"It doesn’t have to be,” Sicheng murmured. “I only have a problem with Papa anyway.”

Uncle nodded and smiled weakly, before pulling his credit card out of his wallet and giving it to Sicheng. “Use this for your dinner,” Uncle said. Sicheng grinned and took the card gratefully, murmuring his thanks.

"Go ahead," Uncle nodded and cocked his head toward the door. “Don’t drink too much, you still have to work tomorrow!”

“Okay, okay,” Liren waved his hand dismissively before walking out of the room. Sicheng followed him with light steps and a relieved smile. One more hurdle was overcome, and he felt optimistic taking over the others now.

The rest of the month went by like a blur. Sicheng wasn’t assigned any new project, so he had it easy at work. His replacement was hired two weeks before his last day in the office, so he spent most of his working hours just teaching the new engineer, handing over his tasks, and introducing her to the rest of the team.

Sicheng and Dad still avoided each other like a plague at work. He refused to stop by at his parents’ house, so Mom had to come to his place if she wanted to see him. They had dinner together every other day, spending more time together in Sicheng’s last month in Wenzhou than they did for an entire year before that.

On his last day in the office, Qiaoyi and the rest of his team bought him a cake and a farewell gift, a new bag for his new job. They went out for a drink and karaoke. Liren stopped by at the end of the night, just to sing exactly one song and quietly paid for the whole thing.

Sicheng woke up with massive hungover in the morning, only got up to stare blankly at his empty room. All his belongings had been packed up and sent to Seoul. Only a suitcase remained, left at the corner, serving as a reminder of his departure.

He took a stroll in the neighborhood, stopped by at his favorite noodle place—the same one he visited with Jaehyun, bought his favorite snacks, visited his uncles’ houses, then Liren’s, staying for hours just to play with his only nephew, until the kid exhausted himself and fell asleep on Sicheng’s lap.

He passed by his parents’ house on the way back, standing outside for a long time, contemplating whether to come in or not. Just when he decided to leave, he ran into Dad who only got home, carrying his fishing equipment. His eyes widened with surprise and they both stood there, looking away awkwardly, both flustered and speechless.

“What are you doing standing outside? Come on in,” Dad said after a while, startling Sicheng. Without waiting for his response, Dad entered the house, as if he was sure Sicheng wouldn’t refuse. Sicheng convinced himself he only came in because Mom would be upset if he didn’t visit their house before he left the country.

“Sicheng!” Mom was surprised when he showed up, smiling from ear to ear. Sicheng smiled back, though nervously. “Have you eaten?”

“No,” Sicheng lied, even though he already had dinner in Liren’s house.

“Sit down, then. I’ll warm up the food.”

Sicheng obeyed, feeling a twinge in his chest as he sat down at the dining table, remembering the last time he was here, exchanging hurtful words with Dad. The very man came out of his room, after changing his clothes and sat down in front of Sicheng, nursing a cup of tea he brewed himself. Sicheng never saw him making his own tea before. He wondered what happened between his parents to prompt such change.

“When’s your flight?” Dad asked, like they never fought, like they didn’t ignore each other’s existence for a month. Sicheng flicked his eyes up to him, surprised. Dad’s expression didn’t give anything away, completely neutral.

“Tomorrow morning.”

“What time?”

“Ten thirty,” Sicheng replied curtly. He couldn’t help asking defiantly, “Why?”

“Your mom wants to see you off. We’ll drive you to the airport,” Dad answered. Sicheng glanced at Mom who was watching them from the kitchen, nodding encouragingly when their eyes met.

“No need—” Sicheng opened his mouth to refuse, but Dad ignored him.

“We’ll pick you up at seven thirty,” Dad said, effectively ending the topic.

They had their meal in relative silent after that. Sicheng wasn’t keen to talk to Dad anyway. He took the long route back to his place after that. He was never attached to this part of the town, even actively hating it at some point, but the thought of moving away for good still filled him with melancholia.

A walk around the neighborhood, give some peace and a sense of closure. He said his goodbye quietly, before heading back home. When he finally entered his apartment, he was ready to call it a night, his energy was drained after walking around so much for an entire day. He fell asleep within the minute he lay down on his bed.

*

Sicheng woke himself up enough to wash up, change his clothes, stuffing up the rest of his stuff into his new backpack and left the apartment with his luggage in tow. He fell asleep again as soon as he settled on the backseat of Dad’s car. Mom roused him awake after Dad parked the car and unloaded his luggage.

They walked him to the departure floor, waiting patiently as Sicheng checked in and dropped his baggage. It felt weird to have his parents here, as a full grown adult, when they never even saw him off each time Sicheng left home for school in his younger years. But here they were, following Sicheng around as if they were afraid, they would never see him again.

“I’ll be home for the new year,” Sicheng assured Mom.

“Okay…” Mom nodded, fussing over his coat to distract herself. Sicheng glanced at Dad who was still avoiding his eyes.

“I’m leaving soon, aren’t you going to apologize to me?” Sicheng finally asked. Dad was stunned by his bluntness. His hand froze midway as he tried to straighten his jacket, his neutral expression cracked with guilt.

“I’m…” Dad started talking, before stopping himself. Sicheng sighed, irritated by the slight hurt he still felt to find Dad was still too proud to apologize to him. Whatever. It wasn’t like Sicheng expected much from him.

“I’m going,” Sicheng turned to Mom again. Mom’s eyebrows furrowed just a bit, clearly still not ready to let him go. Sicheng finally gave in to his instinct and gave her a loose hug, patting her back two times, before quickly letting her go. He didn’t even give Dad so much of a glance before turning around to leave.

“Sicheng!” Dad called. Sicheng looked back immediately. Dad looked at him in the eyes, for the first time since their last fight. Sicheng couldn’t find the man that terrified him, the man who had him in his palm, all meek and obedient. Instead, he saw a weary old man, torn with pain and regret. His voice trembled when he uttered the one word Sicheng had been wanting to hear, “I’m sorry.”

There was no way for Sicheng to stop himself from crying. He didn’t even see it coming. One second his eyes were dry, the next his cheeks were wet with tears. What he felt wasn’t just sadness, or relief—it was a mix of both, added with all the remnants of bitterness he could finally let go. He couldn’t find it in himself to forgive Dad yet. But the apology lifted a burden off his chest, giving him a sense of peace, he didn’t know he still needed.

“Thank you,” Sicheng said, smiling as he cried. Dad’s smile came out slow and awkward, like he hadn’t used the muscles in a long time. He probably hadn’t.

With only a nod of his head, Sicheng finally left for real, stepping toward the security check, robotically took off his belt and jacket in a practiced ease. The familiar routine gave him a moment to gather himself, just before he broke down in tears in the middle of a public place.

After he passed the checkpoint, he turned his head toward the gate. He was surprised to see his parents were still standing there, watching him until the very last second. With an identical worried look on their faces, they looked small and lonely among the hustle and bustle of the other passengers.

For a second, he felt a wave of regret, wondering why he couldn’t just stay and keep them company in their old age. He reminded himself that he could visit them any time he wanted. He wasn’t abandoning them.

Sicheng raised his hand, before giving them a hesitant wave. Dad waved back, while Mom nodding her head, telling him to go. Sicheng nodded back and walked away. This time, he didn’t look back.

*

Landing at Incheon Airport felt like a déjà vu. As soon as he stepped out of the plane, into the building, he was reminded of his 21 years old self, both excited and terrified to spend time alone with his longtime crush, not knowing their love affairs would stretch into years, that they would break each other’s heart, and somehow, they would piece them back together again.

Passing through the immigration check, then waiting for his luggage felt like forever, especially when he knew Jaehyun was waiting for him on the other side of the arrival hall. As soon as he got his hand on his old grey suitcase, he hurried toward the door, smiling when he found Jaehyun, leaning on the fence surrounding the arrival gate.

Jaehyun was wearing all black, as usual, looking exactly like he did when he picked Sicheng up on the airport five years ago. His entire face lit up when he saw Sicheng, grinning and waving enthusiastically.

Sicheng ran into his embrace, burying his face on Jaehyun’s neck, relishing the delicate smell of his perfume, the warmth of his skin, the tight hold of his arms around him. Finally. He could have Jaehyun around, as close as he wanted, as long as he needed.

“I miss you so much,” Jaehyun murmured in his ear.

“I miss you too,” Sicheng whispered back.

Sicheng pointedly ignored how people around them started to stare, no doubt suspecting that him and Jaehyun were lovers, judging from how intimate their hug was. The corner of Jaehyun’s lips twitched with amusement, clearly wanting to be even more obnoxious about their public display of affection.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Jaehyun grinned and circled his arm around Sicheng’s waist. Sicheng rolled his eyes, but he still let Jaehyun guide him toward the parking area with his hand low on his back.

Sicheng told Jaehyun about his last day in his hometown, about his farewell with his parents, and finally Dad’s apology to him, just before he left.

“How are you feeling?” Jaehyun asked gently.

“Relieved, mostly,” Sicheng replied. “That I don’t have to be angry at him anymore.”

Jaehyun hummed, caressing Sicheng’s cheek, made use of the fact that they were alone in the elevator. “You’re free, then,” Jaehyun said.

“Yes, I am,” Sicheng nodded, before leaning into Jaehyun’s hand and pressed his lips on his wrist. That was when he realized Jaehyun was wearing the bracelet he gifted him five years ago.

“Oh!” Sicheng touched the bracelet immediately, looking at Jaehyun with delight.

“Yeah, I finally found it,” Jaehyun chuckled. “I’d been looking for it ever since I got home from Bangkok. I only found it while I was packing my stuff before I moved out.”

“Where did you find it?” Sicheng asked.

“In some box in my closet. I don’t even remember how it got there,” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Maybe you got rid of it when you got yourself a girlfriend,” Sicheng quipped, prompting Jaehyun to snort in disbelief. He pointedly ignored the joke as he led Sicheng out of the elevator and toward his car. After loading up Sicheng’s luggage in the trunk, they climbed inside the car.

Sicheng turned away from Jaehyun to put on his seatbelt and as soon as he leaned back on his seat, Jaehyun’s lips were on his, both his arms caging him in. Sicheng chuckled into the kiss, circling his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, caressing his nape as relished on each other’s lips, reveled in the softness of each other’s touch. Sicheng swooned over the low groan on the back of Jaehyun’s throat as their tongue swirled together. Jaehyun tasted sweet on the mouth, hot under his touch, and it drives Sicheng absolutely crazy because he wanted to have him right then and there, but he would wait. He should wait.

“Take me home,” Sicheng whispered. Jaehyun looked back at him with flushed cheeks and dark eyes, making Sicheng unable to stop himself from drawing in again to steal another kiss.

“Stop kissing me, then,” Jaehyun mused.

“Okay, let’s go,” Sicheng pushed Jaehyun back into his seat. Jaehyun laughed as he started the car and drive them out of the airport complex.

Sicheng wasn’t familiar with the part of Seoul they were heading toward. It was at the edge of the city, quieter than the loud and busy atmosphere he was used to in the area around their former campus. Sicheng couldn’t wait to stroll around the neighborhood, instead of passing by inside a car. For now, though, it would have to do.

Jaehyun parked the car on a small parking lot on a small residential street. The houses surrounding the lot varied by design and sizes, but they were all modern looking, like they were only built not more that five years ago.

Sicheng recognized one of them, from the pictures Jaehyun sent him. It was a five story building, covered in terracotta tiles, adorned by hanging plants, jutted down from the boxes just below the sills. All the windows on the building were lit, except one at the very top. Their window.

“Yah, your suitcase,” Jaehyun pulled Sicheng’s shirt to stop him before he ran inside excitedly.

“Oh, right…” Sicheng chuckled.

With his suitcase in tow, Sicheng finally walked toward the door, practically skipping with delight, while Jaehyun went ahead, tapping the keycard to open the door and holding the door open for him. Sicheng was giddy with anticipation as they rode the elevator up to the rooftop.

A nondescript hallway welcomed them, leading into two doors. Jaehyun turned toward the door on the right, before punching the key code in.

"What's the code?" Sicheng asked.

"Our anniversary," Jaehyun answered before opening the door for him.

"God, you're such a hopeless romantic," Sicheng teased. Honestly, even though Jaehyun would always deny it, he really lived up to the fact that he was born on Valentine's Day. He was sweet, always ready to offer small affectionate gestures, unlike Sicheng who was mostly brass and a little too blunt for his own good.

Jaehyun didn't grace him with an answer and went straight into the apartment. Two big boxes greeted them, right at the foyer. It was Sicheng's stuff, sent early ahead of his arrival.

"I don't know where else to put them," Jaehyun said when Sicheng threw him a questioning look. It was understandable, because they didn't exactly have an abundance of space in their new apartment.

The decision to move in together wasn't difficult at all. Sicheng pondered it over for a week after Jaehyun suggested it, before saying yes. Not only did it feel right, it also made sense and Sicheng was practical more than anything else.

So, they began looking for a place, or more precisely, Jaehyun did the actual hunting and Sicheng had to be content doing it by phone. It took a while to find the perfect one, within their budget, and close enough to both their offices. They finally settled on this one, just two weeks ago.

It was quite small, but that was the sacrifice they made when they chose this rooftop unit. Smaller interior space, with big outdoor patio. The building rested on a higher land, a small hill almost, so the view to the city from their patio was quite beautiful.

And that was where Sicheng immediately gravitated toward, the door to the patio, skipping the studio which was barely filled with basic furniture--they would have to shop for more later.

The sun was setting outside, painting the Seoul sky orange and purple, tinting all the buildings around them with a red glow. Breathtakingly beautiful. Sicheng turned to Jaehyun, wanting to share the view with him. Jaehyun's smile widened when their eyes met.

"Yeah, the sunset's been so pretty lately," Jaehyun said.

The late autumn weather was colder than Sicheng expected. He shivered slightly, forgetting how cold Seoul could be. Jaehyun automatically wrapped his arms around him, sharing his body warmth. Sicheng leaned into him, melting snugly inside his embrace. Both Jaehyun's hand grasped his right wrist gently, before he felt cold metal on his skin. Sicheng looked down and saw a bracelet on his wrist, adorned with a little phoenix charm.

"Early birthday gift," Jaehyun said. "I had it made to match mine. I was going to wait until your birthday, but I'm impatient, so…"

"It's beautiful," Sicheng turned to face him and circled his arms around his neck. "Thank you…"

With an almost nonexistent distance between them, there was nowhere to go but closer. Their lips immediately found each other, fit together for a searing kiss. Jaehyun didn't waste time to lift Sicheng up and carried him inside, stripping both of them out of their clothes, so they could christen their new bed.

Later, after they both came down from their high, while they were catching their breath, Sicheng stared at the bracelet around his wrist, touching the phoenix charm. It was clearly customized, because Sicheng had never seen similar charm before.

"Why phoenix?" Sicheng asked, looking at Jaehyun.

"For courage," Jaehyun murmured as he stroked Sicheng's hair gently. "For finding yours."

Sicheng smiled, reveling in the quiet happiness, the peaceful contentment he felt. He was elated to find the same ardor in Jaehyun's eyes, grateful that they found each other again, at this point in their life. No one could be more perfect for him, to be his partner in his new beginning. For the very first time, he was excited to see where life would take him.

Because he found his home and they would start again from here, together.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/faiczn)


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